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Museums and art gallaries should concentrate on works that show histroy and culture of their own country rather than works of the other parts in the world. To what extent to do you agree or disagree? v.1

Museums and art gallaries should concentrate on works that show histroy and culture of their own country rather than works of the other parts in the world. v. 1
The galleries of art and museum held a great importance in displaying any sorts of history and culture. The preference of displaying native works and arts in museum conveys its own views and ideas for some people, while others emphasize on promoting foreign history and culture in both points of views because giving the importance of both indigenous and oversea's works is crucial due to enriching knowledge and culture of native people. To begin with, the artefacts of local people should be displayed in the local museum owing to two reasons. The most prominent reason is that it retains the history of local culture. For example, in the 21st century, most of the minority ethnic groups are in the grave, even though the modern people are still familiar with them. Since, they left their manners, behaviours, and culture in the form of art which is displayed in the museum and art galleries, the visitors from abroad and local people are able to see their history. Secondly, when students and researchers look into the culture of people in the past, this, certainly, helps them not only to enhance the information of the past but also to enrich their own culture. Thus, displaying local art is essential. On the other hand, the art of foreign people can also serve huge information to the indigenous people. The pivotal method is that the authority should promote oversea's art besides the art of local people. As a result, the visitors would be more attracted to visit the museum. This, invariably, succours the common people to increase the knowledge, and eventually, they could bring positive insights into other cultures which might help them to proliferate their own culture. For example, the country like Bangladesh displays the status of foreign personality in the museum, which encourages local people to know the foreign culture more and fetches some positive view point into their own culture. Therefore, displaying foreign works triggers people to get data of the outer world. In conclusion, although it is controversial as to whether the art of local people should be displayed in the local museum, or, whether the foreign art would get the place in the local museum. In my opinion, both types of works should display which delivers a new bit of information, and develops the native culture.
The galleries of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
held a great importance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
displaying
any sorts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. The preference of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
displaying
native works and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
conveys its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
views and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, while others emphasize on promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in both points of views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
giving the importance of both indigenous and oversea's works is crucial due to enriching knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of native
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be displayed
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
owing to two reasons. The most prominent reason is that it retains the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
For example
, in the 21st century, most of the minority ethnic groups are in the grave,
even though
the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
still
familiar with them. Since, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
their manners,
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in the form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
which
is displayed
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries, the visitors from abroad and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
Secondly
, when students and researchers look into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the past, this,
certainly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to enhance the information of the past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to enrich their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
displaying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is essential.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
also
serve huge information to the indigenous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The pivotal method is that the authority should promote oversea's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
besides
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
As a result
, the visitors would be more attracted to visit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
. This,
invariably
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
succours
the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to increase the knowledge, and
eventually
, they could bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
insights into other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
which might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to proliferate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
For example
, the country like Bangladesh displays the status of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
personality in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
, which encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to know the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
more and fetches
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
view point into their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
displaying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
works triggers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
data of the outer world.

In conclusion
, although it is controversial
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be displayed
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
, or, whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the place in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
. In my opinion, both types of works should display which delivers a new bit of information, and develops the native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
66Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Museums and art gallaries should concentrate on works that show histroy and culture of their own country rather than works of the other parts in the world. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
385 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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