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Most people try to balance between work and other parts of lives. Unfortunately, not many achieve this delicate balance. What are the main problems people are facing? What is the best way to overcome them? v.3

Most people try to balance between work and other parts of lives. Unfortunately, not many achieve this delicate balance. What are the main problems people are facing? What is the best way to overcome them? v. 3
A majority of people are unable to successfully stabilize their work and other parts of lives nowadays. Firstly, this essay will discuss the problems preventing them from achieving this balance and secondly, it will offer appropriate methods. On the one hand, the main problem, which disables people from striking a balance between their work and other activities such as entertainment or relaxation, is due to their excessive workload. This causes them to take extra shifts to cope with the requirements and targets of the company. For instance, recent research has revealed that 80% of urban citizens having a full-time job are unable to properly take care of themselves such as checking for health or attending outdoor activities, and this results in inevitable consequences such as health-related issues or unhealthy lifestyles. Therefore, if people have to work constantly at their workplace, they will be less likely to spend time on other parts of their lives. On the other hand, I believe that there would be appropriate solutions to deal with this problem. First, people should spend more time with their families and contribute to household responsibilities. This could not only help them to escape from their hectic schedule at work but also strengthen the bond between family members. Second, organizations should consider the personal needs of each employee and give them bonuses or wages so that they can be more motivated. This is illustrated by the fact that employees would feel more satisfied and less likely to experience depression or anxiety if they received favorable bonuses. In conclusion, although it is challenging to strike a work-life balance in people’s lives, I believe that they should adjust their schedule at work and spend more time with other people to improve their lifestyle.
A majority of
people
are unable to
successfully
stabilize their
work
and
other
parts of
lives
nowadays.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss the problems preventing them from achieving this balance and
secondly
, it will offer appropriate methods.

On the one hand, the main problem, which disables
people
from striking a balance between their
work
and
other
activities such as entertainment or relaxation, is due to their excessive workload. This causes them to take extra shifts to cope with the requirements and targets of the
company
.
For instance
, recent research has revealed that 80% of urban citizens having a full-time job are unable to
properly
take care of themselves such as checking for health or attending outdoor activities, and this results in inevitable consequences such as health-related issues or unhealthy lifestyles.
Therefore
, if
people
have to
work
constantly
at their workplace, they will be less likely to spend time on
other
parts of their
lives
.

On the
other
hand, I believe that there would be appropriate solutions to deal with this problem.
First
,
people
should spend more time with their families and contribute to household responsibilities. This could not
only
help
them to escape from their hectic schedule at
work
but
also
strengthen the bond between family members. Second, organizations should consider the personal needs of each employee and give them bonuses or wages
so
that they can be more motivated. This
is illustrated
by the fact that employees would feel more satisfied and less likely to experience depression or anxiety if they received favorable bonuses.

In conclusion
, although it is challenging to strike a work-life balance in
people’s
lives
, I believe that they should adjust their schedule at
work
and spend more time with
other
people
to
improve
their lifestyle.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Most people try to balance between work and other parts of lives. Unfortunately, not many achieve this delicate balance. What are the main problems people are facing? What is the best way to overcome them? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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