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Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festivals periods people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagee with this opinion? v.1

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festivals periods people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. v. 1
The real meaning of special events, such as Christmas and New year, change through years. Nowadays, many people think that these different festivals are just a market event to push people to buy more. I totally agree with this topic, people are more preoccupated by what they will buy for their friends and family than the message given behind it. In this essay, I will discuss both parts of this question and give the several reasons of my point-view. First of all, media is the main factor responsible to this tragedy. Indeed, whereas, they have to remember the meaning of this journey. They prefer to advertise this day by promoting their partenairship (bands). They give a certain stress to the population because, they have to buy different gifts and plan for the dinner. For example, in Christmas the most important festival in the year. Shops are sponsored by media, they diffuse in the TV their different promotions, particularly before the Black Friday. At this period of the year, the population starts to buy more than usual and forget that chrismas celebrates the birth of the Christ and not the quantity of presents they received. Thus, media plays an important role in our daily life and on the way we think. Furthermore, events are traditionally a day of festivity and happiness. It is in this period that people should share the most with others. Many things are prepared help people to enjoy their journey even if they are alone, such as concerts or movies. However, I believe that each of these festivals have a task to be accomplished before being enjoyed. During Aid, a religious day for Muslim people, the first thing they gave to do is priing and only after that they have the possibility to visit their family and party with them. Therefore, the signification of an event should be taught by parents to their children. In conclusion, special days are important to be celebrated. On the one hand, they represent for people happiness and sharing. On the other hand, they have a meaning behind and this signification should be cultivated through the different generation.
The real meaning of special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, such as Christmas and New
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
through years. Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
festivals are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a market
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
to push
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
more. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this topic,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more
Possible spelling mistake found.
preoccupated
by what they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
for their friends and family than the message
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
behind it. In this essay, I will discuss both parts of this question and give the several reasons of my point-view.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, media is the main factor responsible to this tragedy.
Indeed
, whereas, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
remember the meaning of this journey. They prefer to advertise this day by promoting their
Possible spelling mistake found.
partenairship
(bands). They give a certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
to the population
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
gifts and plan for the dinner.
For example
, in Christmas the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
festival in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. Shops
are sponsored
by media, they diffuse in the TV their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
promotions,
particularly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the Black Friday. At this period of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, the population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
more than usual and forget that
Possible spelling mistake found.
chrismas
celebrates the birth of the Christ and not the quantity of presents they received.
Thus
, media plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our daily life and on the way we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are
traditionally
a day of festivity and happiness. It is in this period that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should share the most with others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
things
are prepared
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enjoy their journey even if they are alone, such as concerts or movies.
However
, I believe that each of these festivals have a task to
be accomplished
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
being enjoyed
. During Aid, a religious day for Muslim
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the
first
thing they gave to do is
Possible spelling mistake found.
priing
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
after that they have the possibility to visit their family and party with them.
Therefore
, the signification of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
should
be taught
by parents to their children.

In conclusion
, special days are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
be celebrated
. On the one hand, they represent for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happiness and sharing.
On the other hand
, they have a meaning behind and this signification should
be cultivated
through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
generation.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festivals periods people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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