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Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.4

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. with this opinion? v. 4
Festivals that are related with tradition or religion is the symbol of a nation. In this present day, although people attend different occasions, but most of the them do not know the signification of their nation Festivals. In this situation they separately chill with their loving person. I totally agree with this statement and I will try to prove my argument in the following paragraphs. In this digital age the whole world is looking like a global village, and people specially adolescence are unknown about their national occasions, on the contrary they are impulsive by different cultural occasions. On this occasion, they do lots of enjoyment as like, gossip with friends, visiting historical place and eat at a restaurant, but they do not perform the actual thing for that the festivals appear before them. In the religious occasion people have to perform some specific task that came on this occasion, but in this situation without doing that they visit parks, tourist place and only gossip with their family member. The main reason is that people have no practise and knowledge of their traditional thing also have not any interest of their own culture. In a conclusion, I put down my pen by saying that although people enjoy their culture and religious festivals they actually forget the real value of that occasion. If they came to know about their basic meaning of festivals they will enjoy more than before.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Festivals
that
are related
with tradition or religion is the symbol of a nation. In this present day, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasions
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
most of
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "them"?
the them
do not know the signification of their nation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Festivals
. In this situation they
separately
chill with their loving person. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and I will try to prove my argument in the following paragraphs.

In this digital age the whole world is looking like a global village, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
specially
adolescence are unknown about their national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasions
,
on the contrary
they are impulsive by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasions
. On this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasion
, they do lots of enjoyment as like, gossip with friends, visiting historical place and eat at a restaurant,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do not perform the actual thing for that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
appear
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
them.

In the religious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific task that came on this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in this situation without doing that they visit parks, tourist place and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
gossip with their family member. The main reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
and knowledge of their traditional thing
also
have not any interest of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture.

In a conclusion, I put down my pen by saying that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy their culture and religious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
they actually forget the real value of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasion
. If they came to know about their basic meaning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
they will enjoy more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. with this opinion? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
238 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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