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Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.5

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. with this opinion? v. 5
Nowadays people live in a very modern world, which defines many aspects of a contemporary lifestyle. As a result, many residents forgot about the purpose of many national activities, so people enjoy themselves. In fact, there are two underlying reasons for this that I will explore in the following essay. Firstly, citizens of many countries have a very busy life. One should note here that students have a tight schedule at university and their parents spend many hours at work. This situation relates to the technological development, that pushes people to do more and to know more than ever before. Consequently, working class does not have enough free time to enjoy themselves or to visit relatives during work days, but holidays provide this opportunity. Therefore, teens and adults look forward to different kinds of festivals and carnivals, because of free days that they contain, so humans don’t care about the meaning and just spend their time with pleasure. Secondly, globalisation may play an important role in this process. In fact, nowadays plenty of various cultures mix with each other, so people start to follow only several aspects from them. A great example can be found in Russia, where the great majority of teenagers like to celebrate the Halloween. Despite the fact, that this is not an official holiday in this country and religious residents do not approve the Halloween, it is still a great event among young generations. However, these people are not aware of all features of this festival, so they use only scary costumes, make frightening squashes and watch scary movies with friends. As a result, there is no point in this festival, but enjoying unusual free time. To draw the conclusion, because of the reasons above, I believe that people prefer to enjoy themselves during festivals instead of remembering the meanings of such events.
Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
modern world, which defines
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of a contemporary lifestyle.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
residents forgot about the purpose of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
national activities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy themselves. In fact, there are two underlying reasons for this that I will explore in the following essay.

Firstly
, citizens of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy life. One should note here that students have a tight schedule at university and their parents spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours at work. This situation relates to the technological development, that pushes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do more and to know more than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Consequently
, working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
does not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
free time to enjoy themselves or to visit relatives during work days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
holidays provide this opportunity.
Therefore
, teens and adults look forward to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
and carnivals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of free days that they contain,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
humans don’t care about the meaning and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
spend their time with pleasure.

Secondly
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
may play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in this process. In fact, nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of various cultures mix with each other,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to follow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
several aspects from them. A great example can
be found
in Russia, where the great majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
like to celebrate the Halloween. Despite the fact, that this is not an official holiday in this country and religious residents do not approve the Halloween, it is
still
a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
among young generations.
However
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not aware of all features of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
scary costumes,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
frightening squashes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
scary movies with friends.
As a result
, there is no point in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
enjoying unusual free time.

To draw the conclusion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the reasons above, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to enjoy themselves during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
instead
of remembering the meanings of such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. with this opinion? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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