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Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.11

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. with this opinion? v. 11
The festivals are very important because they remind mankind about the values of the religion and the traditions. Moreover, humans have a perception that nowadays the importance of festivals is neglected and indeed it has just become an occasion of self-celebration. I totally disagree with this viewpoint because even with heavy occupied lifestyle people allot their festive time to celebrate with family and relatives. The traditional festivals have a meaning for celebrating them in the particular seasons. The fiesta has its own importance in each religion and enlightens the worth of celebrating them. The purpose of festivities is taught to children from a young age at schools and by parents, so that they could follow the culture throughout their lifetime and pass on the information to budding generations. For example, the objective for Christmas merrymaking around the world on 25th December, is because they strongly believe that Jesus was born on this day and the date is remembered by everybody since we knew its prominence. In addition to this, the people in today’s busiest schedule have allocated their time for celebrating the festivals with their families in their hometowns. Indeed, they are planning such occasions well in advance like viewing the dates of festivals in the calendar and booking the tickets beforehand. However, during festive holidays we can find the railway stations and bus stands crowded and that view is like a carnival. For instance, every year for Pongal, I will make an advance booking of the tickets to my hometown so that I can enjoy the festival with my cousins and relatives. To conclude, even in the fast-paced modern world, people are celebrating religious festivals with full enthusiasm and joyfulness by valuing the culture and the tradition.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they remind mankind about the values of the religion and the traditions.
Moreover
, humans have a perception that nowadays the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
is neglected
and
indeed
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
become an occasion of self-celebration. I
totally
disagree with this viewpoint
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
even with heavy occupied lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
allot their festive time to celebrate with family and relatives.

The traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
have a meaning for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrating
them in the particular seasons. The fiesta has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
importance in each religion and enlightens the worth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrating
them.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
purpose of festivities
is taught
to children from a young age at schools and by parents,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they could follow the culture throughout their lifetime and pass on the information to budding generations.
For example
, the objective for Christmas merrymaking around the world on 25th December, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
strongly
believe that Jesus
was born
on this day and the date
is remembered
by everybody since we knew its prominence.

In addition
to this, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s busiest schedule have allocated their time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrating
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
with their families in their hometowns.
Indeed
, they are planning such occasions well in advance like viewing the dates of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
in the calendar and booking the tickets beforehand.
However
, during festive holidays we can find the railway stations and bus stands crowded and that view is like a carnival.
For instance
, every year for
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pongal
, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an advance booking of the tickets to my hometown
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I can enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
with my cousins and relatives.

To conclude
, even in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced modern world,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrating
religious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
with full enthusiasm and joyfulness by valuing the culture and the tradition.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. with this opinion? v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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