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Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under of 18. Some psychologists claim that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience. v.2

Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under of 18. Some psychologists claim that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. v. 2
Some psychologists mention that the recent increase in violent crimes among adolescents is related to the inadequate psychological and social support provided by parents and teachers. I totally agree with the idea that adolescents require more attention from adults so that they can share any concerns and issues before they present with anti-social behaviours as a means of getting attention from their family and teachers. As our society is becoming more and more competitive, teachers and parents tend to focus on children's academic achievement, wishing for their success in the future. In other words, less attention is paid to their social and emotional needs, and this leads to negative consequences such as dangerous behaviours and unlawful activities among teenagers. Some students with a high academic performance maybe behave in a violent manner due to the excessive stress from study and their personal lives, while others may engage in violent crimes as their parents and teachers label them as a failure for not meeting their expectations. Thus, adults should pay attention to children's psychosocial needs rather than how well they do at schools. In addition to the above-mentioned point, most parents are busy at work and less time is spent with their children in these days. The lack of interaction with close adults gives fewer opportunities to learn basic emotional aspects such as love and affection. For instance, statistics show that children whose parents are absent from home engaged in antisocial behaviours such as smoking cigarettes and alcohol intake more frequently, and they had difficulty in interacting with others with respect. If their parents had more time to spend with their children and teach them basic human skills, the number of violent crimes among young people would not have been as high as now. In conclusion, academic pressure and parents' increasing work commitments contribute to violent crimes among adolescents; therefore, adequate parental supervision and support are advisable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
psychologists mention that the recent increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
among adolescents
is related
to the inadequate psychological and social support provided by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that adolescents require more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
from adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can share any concerns and issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they present with anti-social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
as a means of getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
from their family and teachers.

As our society is becoming more and more competitive, teachers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
tend to focus on children's academic achievement, wishing for their success in the future.
In other words
, less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
is paid
to their social and emotional needs, and this leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
and unlawful activities among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
students with a high academic performance maybe behave in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
manner due to the excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
from study and their personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, while others may engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers label them as a failure for not meeting their expectations.
Thus
, adults should pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
to children's psychosocial needs
rather
than how well they do at schools.

In addition
to the above-mentioned point, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are busy at work and less time
is spent
with their children in these days. The lack of interaction with close adults gives fewer opportunities to learn basic emotional aspects such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and affection.
For instance
, statistics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that children whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are absent from home engaged in antisocial
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
such as smoking cigarettes and alcohol intake more
frequently
, and they had difficulty in interacting with others with respect. If their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
had more time to spend with their children and teach them basic human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would not have been as high as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

In conclusion
, academic pressure and parents' increasing work commitments contribute to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
among adolescents;
therefore
, adequate parental supervision and support are advisable.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under of 18. Some psychologists claim that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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