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Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional festivals as Tet holiday; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional festivals as Tet holiday; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. with this opinion? v. 1
There is no doubt that traditional festivals play an important role in our spiritual lives. While many may be concerned that people nowadays have forgotten the meanings of these events, I partially agree with them and will give my explanations below. On the one hand, I would admit that there are many festivals and their related activities that have not been preserved well. These activities have not been held anymore during certain times of the year due to the comfort of the modern life and the availability of industrially made goods. For example, at Tet holiday, many families in Vietnam do not wrap Banh Chung as they did in the past; instead, they can find them easily in the markets. In addition, some customs like visiting and greeting relatives on Lunar New Years have not been practiced for many years and faced the risks of being permanently disappeared. This may be because the tendency of travelling abroad or taking vacations on holidays of the younger generations rather than just staying at their homes. On the other hand, it is the modern life that has offered people plenty of ways to celebrate such special events. Thanks to the advent of the Internet, people can keep their unforgettable memories better as well as promote the beauty of national festivals. Traditionally, families used to take pictures together and put them into a photo book which may be lost, but that is not the case any longer. Everyone now can own a library of photos in their smartphones or on social websites. What is more, when people post pictures about festivals of their countries on these sites, they may advertise these cultural events and as a result, attract more tourists to come to visit their nations. This could not only conserve special events, but also brings benefits to the countries. In conclusion, people today are not really concerned about the gradual disappearance of traditional events. I firmly believe that if these festivals could be combined with the modern lives, people may enjoy themselves better.
There is no doubt that traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our spiritual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. While
Possible agreement error. The noun may seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much may", "a good deal of may".
many may
be concerned
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays have forgotten the meanings of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with them and will give my explanations below.

On the one hand, I would admit that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
and their related activities that have not
been preserved
well. These activities have not
been held
Make sure that 'anymore' is used as an adverb, not as an adjective. Did you mean "any more"?
anymore
during certain times of the year due to the comfort of the modern life and the availability of
industrially
made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
For example
, at Tet holiday,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families in Vietnam do not wrap
Possible spelling mistake found.
Banh
Chung as they did in the past;
instead
, they can find them
easily
in the markets.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
customs like visiting and greeting relatives on Lunar New Years have not
been practiced
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years and faced the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of being
permanently
disappeared. This may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the tendency of travelling abroad or taking vacations on holidays of the younger generations
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
staying at their homes.

On the other hand
, it is the modern life that has offered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of ways to celebrate such special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. Thanks to the advent of the Internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their unforgettable memories better
as well
as promote the beauty of national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
.
Traditionally
, families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to take pictures together and put them into a photo book which may
be lost
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that is
not the case any longer. Everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a library of photos in their smartphones or on social websites.
What is more
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
post pictures about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
of their countries on these sites, they may advertise these cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
and
as a result
, attract more tourists to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to visit their nations. This could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
conserve special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
brings benefits to the countries.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are not
really
concerned about the gradual disappearance of traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. I
firmly
believe that if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
could
be combined
with the modern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may enjoy themselves better.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional festivals as Tet holiday; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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