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Most people can solve important problems in their lives by themselves or with the help of their families. Help from the government is unnecessary. v.2

Most people can solve important problems in their lives by themselves or with the help of their families. Help from the government is unnecessary. v. 2
Nowadays, the importance of aiding by states has gotten lucid for everyone. In this regard, there is a controversial question asking whether people can find solutions for their difficulties with the help of their parents and supports from a governor is not essential. I am afraid, I disagree with the opinion which is expressing governments do not have a role in solving these kinds of issues. The reasons to substantiate my idea are explored in the following. First, a lot of persons cannot spend enough money on facing their worries and the centers of power have to help them. To put on the other hand, some times, a man needs to provide tuitions of his son and the man' s mother or his father are not able to prepare the money for him. Under such a circumstance, a leader of the country should pass a law to subsidize these men. As an illustration, I am going to speak about my mother who used his salary to fund me and my brother for continuing education. Once, he had to quit her job for a month, the government pays her salary for 30 days until she found another work. During this time she could devote a budget for our schools and be sure about our training. If the country commander had never given cash for her, we would not study for a period. Second, some kinds of problems are harmful to society and families require contributed to a charity or knowledge of other institutes for encountering them. To be specific, a girl who addicts to narcotics is in a dangerous situation and the government should start to control the condition of her if not, this event can be epidemic and has bad consequences. A personal experience of mine can drive this fact home. My friend has participated in some sessions about how to end using the drug. A year ago while he was trying to accept his favorite major in a university a guy suggested to him the drug and he addicted to it. However, now, governments had arrested the guy because of making my friend addicted also holds events for guiding him on how to start his new life. This example demonstrates the positive effects of a state in destroying addiction. By and large, I do believe families could not solve all problems, lonely. Since some difficulties need the money and subsidizing is a considerable issue and other problems like addiction can be epidemic and should control by police and the centers of the land.
Nowadays, the importance of aiding by states has gotten lucid for everyone. In this regard, there is a controversial question asking whether
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can find solutions for their difficulties with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of their parents and supports from a governor is not essential. I am afraid, I disagree with the opinion which is expressing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
do not have a role in solving these kinds of issues. The reasons to substantiate my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
are explored
in the following.

First
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
persons cannot spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money on facing their worries and the centers of power
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them. To put
on the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
times, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
needs to provide
Possible spelling mistake found.
tuitions
of his son and the
Possible spelling mistake found.
man&
#039; s mother or his father are not able to prepare the money for him. Under such a circumstance, a leader of the country should pass a law to subsidize these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. As an illustration, I am going to speak about my mother who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
his salary to fund me and my brother for continuing education. Once, he had to quit her job for a month, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
pays her salary for 30 days until she found another work. During this time she could devote a budget for our schools and be sure about our training. If the country commander had never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
cash for her, we would not study for a period.

Second,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kinds of problems are harmful to society and families require contributed to a charity or knowledge of other institutes for encountering them. To be specific, a girl who addicts to narcotics is in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situation and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to control the condition of her if not, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
can be epidemic and has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
consequences. A personal experience of mine can drive this fact home. My friend has participated in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sessions about how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
using the drug. A year ago while he was trying to accept his favorite major in a university a guy suggested to him the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
drug and
he addicted to it.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
had arrested the guy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of making my friend addicted
also
holds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
for guiding him on how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
his new life. This example demonstrates the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of a state in destroying addiction.

By and large, I do believe families could not solve all problems, lonely. Since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties need the money and subsidizing is a considerable issue and other problems like addiction can be epidemic and should control by police and the centers of the land.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Most people can solve important problems in their lives by themselves or with the help of their families. Help from the government is unnecessary. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
424 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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