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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Most people can solve important problems in their lives by themselves or with the help of their families. Help from the government is unnecessary. v.294

Most people can solve important problems in their lives by themselves or with the help of their families. Help from the government is unnecessary. v. 294
It is clear that, art in many ways represents a mirror to the society and has great cultural significance. However, many people believe, the government should stop funding the art projects and redirect this budget to develop the educational system of our country. I personally do not agree with this argument, and through this essay I will support my views with examples. A strong educational system leads to the upliftment and growth of a society. For example, the main driver behind the industrial revolution of 1800's, was because of the educational reforms which was started by the French government. It has been estimated that, by the late 1800's approximately 3 million people were lifted out of poverty at the end of the industrial revolution. As a result, people started spending more and this led to the development of many of the modern industries we see today. However, I would argue that just by only focusing on education; will not lead to the overall development of a society. For instance, it was a painting of Da Vinci that later inspired the Right brothers to develop the first aeroplane in the early 1900's. Over the years, communities have always used painting and other art installations as a symbol to voice their opinion against injustice in the society. Hence, In is very important to have an ample budget for the development of art in a region. In conclusion, although education is the cornerstone for the development of a society, it is also important to preserve and develop art of a region
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways represents a mirror to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and has great cultural significance.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
funding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
projects and redirect this budget to develop the educational system of our country. I
personally
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this argument, and through this essay I will support my views with examples.

A strong educational system leads to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
upliftment
and growth of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For example
, the main driver behind the industrial revolution of
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "1800s".
1800's
, was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the educational reforms which was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
by the French
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. It has
been estimated
that, by the late
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "1800s".
1800's
approximately 3 million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were lifted
out of poverty at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the industrial revolution.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
spending more and this led to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the modern industries we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

However
, I would argue that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focusing on education; will not lead to the
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For instance
, it was a painting of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Da
Vinci that later inspired the Right brothers to develop the
first
Possible spelling mistake. 'aeroplane' is British English.
aeroplane
in the early
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "1900s".
1900's
. Over the years, communities have always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
painting and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
installations as a symbol to voice their opinion against injustice in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Hence
, In is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have an ample budget for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
in a region.

In conclusion
, although education is the cornerstone for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, it is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to preserve and develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
of a region
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Most people can solve important problems in their lives by themselves or with the help of their families. Help from the government is unnecessary. v. 294

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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