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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Most people can solve important problems in their lives by themselves or with the help of their families. Help from the government is unnecessary. v.358

Most people can solve important problems in their lives by themselves or with the help of their families. Help from the government is unnecessary. v. 358
It is true that happiness is contemplated and essential in life. Every individual has a different vision and expectations towards happiness. In my opinion to achieve it, would be necessary to know yourself enough. There are a few reasons why is it complicated to specify happiness. People normally have different feelings and eyesight towards contentment. In fact, what is pleasure for me might not be for another person. For example, several people are very materialistic and they just feel joy if they have a great career, status in society, or enough cash in the bank account to accomplish their dreams. Most of us know that money is not the key to happiness, this is just part of our lives and should not be prioritized, as it cannot offer the real contentment for us. On the other hand, there are people feeling cheerful with the few simple things life can offer such as, spending time with family, walking in the park, listening to their favourite music, reading a book, or even just talking to a friend. Although it seems difficult to describe happiness, there are some key elements if met can lead to satisfaction. This is to say, knowing yourself and passions can help you to find your real bliss, so that any individual can progress and work on what they desire. Different factors can affect a human being enjoyment. For instance, sometimes nothing feels right but still you can feel optimistic and be grateful for what you have at the moment. In addition, as individuals we tend to change over the years and these changes bring new priorities in our lives, together with, new dreams and goals to accomplish. Finally, there are many ways to be overjoyed, it is a matter of perspective and how you see and value all you have. In conclusion, while happiness in life is a desirable achievement of all individuals, being joyful is totally different for each and every person. We should not rely on the other people and only expect to be cheerful. By all means, being happy is a state of mind.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is contemplated
and essential in life. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
vision and expectations towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. In my opinion to achieve it, would be necessary to know yourself
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.

There are a few reasons why is it complicated to specify
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
normally
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
feelings and eyesight towards contentment. In fact, what is pleasure for me might not be for another person.
For example
, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
materialistic and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
feel joy if they have a great career, status in society, or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
cash in the bank account to accomplish their dreams. Most of us know that money is not the key to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and should not
be prioritized
, as it cannot offer the real contentment for us.
On the other hand
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feeling cheerful with the few simple
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "things'" or "thing's"?
things
life can offer such as, spending time with family, walking in the park, listening to their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
music, reading a book, or even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
talking to a friend.

Although it seems difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
key elements if met can lead to satisfaction. This is to say, knowing yourself and passions can
In informal texts, 'to' is not necessary. Do you mean "help you find"?
help you to find
your real bliss,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
can progress and work on what they desire.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Different
factors can affect a human being enjoyment.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
nothing feels right
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
you can feel optimistic and be grateful for what you have at the moment.
In addition
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
we tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
over the years and these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
bring new priorities in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, together with, new dreams and goals to accomplish.
Finally
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to
be overjoyed
, it is a matter of perspective and how you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and value all you have.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in life is a desirable achievement of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
, being joyful is
totally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
for each and every person. We should not rely on the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to be cheerful. By all means, being happy is a state of mind.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Most people can solve important problems in their lives by themselves or with the help of their families. Help from the government is unnecessary. v. 358

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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