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Most people believe that money is a very important consideration when choosing a job as it can help you get better lifestyle; however, there are some who believe it is more important to have a job you enjoy and that this and not money will lead to greater happiness and more balanced personal life. v.2

Most people believe that money is a very important consideration when choosing a job as it can help you get better lifestyle; however, there are some who believe it is more important to have a job you enjoy and that this and not money will lead to greater happiness and more balanced personal life. v. 2
People have different opinions with regard to the question of what to consider while choosing a job. Although I agree the opinion that more incentives and benefits of the job make many individuals happy, I also believe that money is the crucial necessity to be considered to progress in life. On the one hand, money should not be the only consideration. This is because, when we get a job that we cherish, there would be no place for work related stress and strain. Since we really appreciate our role, we could take the upcoming challenges as a chance to test our potential. The other benefits like health insurance, free medical services, travel allowances are also having positive impacts on the lives of the employees. Moreover, by working in a dream environment could definitely give much personal work satisfaction although it doesn't help financially. Therefore, according to the people who are inclined to the above beliefs, the best way to fetch a job is to completely analyse all these essential benefits and job satisfactions. On contrary, earning money out of a job has paramount importance. Though there are other relaxations given for an employee, the direct source of happiness for them would be income. This means more money he earns the more he would confidently face the revolutionising world by meeting his self-needs, family needs and also by saving for the future. It is a commonly known fact that the inflation rate is increasing and also the cost of living has become high everywhere. In this scenario, it is absurd to be with a job which doesn't help to progress in terms of money. On the whole, money should be certainly the main consideration while choosing a job. Finally, while I agree that allowances and enjoyment are prerequisites for career development, I strongly argue that income should also be given priority to get a job that makes us fit in the society.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions with regard to the question of what to consider while choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
the opinion that more incentives and benefits of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals happy, I
also
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the crucial necessity to
be considered
to progress in life.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should not be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
consideration. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that we cherish, there would be no place for work related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and strain. Since we
really
appreciate our role, we could take the upcoming challenges as a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
our potential. The other benefits like health insurance, free medical services, travel allowances are
also
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of the employees.
Moreover
, by working in a dream environment could definitely give much personal work satisfaction although it doesn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
financially
.
Therefore
, according to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
are inclined
to the above beliefs, the best way to fetch a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is to completely
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
all these essential benefits and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfactions.

On contrary, earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
out of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
has paramount importance. Though there are other relaxations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
for an employee, the direct source of happiness for them would be income. This means more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
he earns the more he would
confidently
face the
Possible spelling mistake. 'revolutionising' is British English.
revolutionising
world by meeting his self-needs, family needs and
also
by saving for the future. It is a
commonly
known fact that the inflation rate is increasing and
also
the cost of living has become high everywhere. In this scenario, it is absurd to be with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which doesn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to progress in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
On the whole
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should be
certainly
the main consideration while choosing a job.

Finally
, while I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that allowances and enjoyment are prerequisites for career development, I
strongly
argue that income should
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
priority to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us fit in the society.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Most people believe that money is a very important consideration when choosing a job as it can help you get better lifestyle; however, there are some who believe it is more important to have a job you enjoy and that this and not money will lead to greater happiness and more balanced personal life. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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