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Most people believe that money is a very important consideration when choosing a job as it can help you get better lifestyle; however, there are some who believe it is more important to have a job you enjoy and that this and not money will lead to greate v.1

Most people believe that money is a very important consideration when choosing a job as it can help you get better lifestyle; however, there are some who believe it is more important to have a job you enjoy and that this and not money will lead to greate v. 1
Computers have become a part of our daily life now. We can't think of living in a world without technology, internet and computer. All businesses, offices will come to a halt, if we remove this piece of technology from our daily life. Computers, with internet connectivity, can open a new world to us. It's not only true for adults, but also for kids as well. It also makes our life easier. For example, computers can help children with their homework, they can watch educational videos, learn about the world and can stay updated as well. Scope of knowledge offered by computers is unlimited. On one hand, there are several constructive effects of computers on children, however, on the other hand, too much of anything can be harmful and this is same for usage of computers as well. There can be several harmful effects of computer on children, in case it's used every day. I believe, the negatives sometimes overcome the positive and kids working with computers every day, is definitely not a good idea. For instance, eyes will be affected badly. Children will need spectacles early in their life and this will have a life long impact on their health. Unrestricted and unsupervised access to some contents may land them in trouble. Children can be stalked, harassed and manipulated as well. Thus, it can become a nightmare for a family also. Finally, I feel, we can't completely revoke children's access to computers, but we can definitely monitor their usage and hence, make sure they are using it only when required or for a limited amount of time. However, this might not be enough to protect our children from the negative effects of computers. But, this is the least we can do to ensure their safety and sanity.
Computers have become a part of our daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. We can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of living in a world without technology, internet and computer. All businesses, offices will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to a halt, if we remove this piece of technology from our daily life.

Computers, with internet connectivity, can open a new world to us. It's not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
true for adults,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for kids as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
. It
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easier.
For example
, computers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with their homework, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
educational videos, learn about the world and can stay updated as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
. Scope of knowledge offered by computers
is unlimited
.

On one hand, there are several constructive effects of computers on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
however
,
on the other hand
, too much of anything can be harmful and this is same for usage of computers as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
. There can be several harmful effects of computer on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, in case it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
every day. I believe, the negatives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
overcome the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and kids working with computers every day, is definitely not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
For instance
, eyes will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
badly
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
will need spectacles early in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and this will have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
long impact on their health. Unrestricted and unsupervised access to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
contents may land them in trouble.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can
be stalked
, harassed and manipulated as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
.
Thus
, it can become a nightmare for a family
also
.

Finally
, I feel, we can't completely revoke children's access to computers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we can definitely monitor their usage and
hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure they are using it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when required or for a limited amount of time.
However
, this might not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to protect our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of computers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, this is the least we can do to ensure their safety and sanity.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Most people believe that money is a very important consideration when choosing a job as it can help you get better lifestyle; however, there are some who believe it is more important to have a job you enjoy and that this and not money will lead to greate v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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