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Happiness is considered very important in life. Discuss the reason why people define happiness differently and how to obtain happiness? v.12

Happiness is considered very important in life. Discuss the reason why people define happiness differently and how to obtain happiness? v. 12
It is true that the traditional family mealtime is becoming a thing of the past. There are some reasons which can be put forward to explain this changing pattern of behaviour, and there are significant impacts on family life and health. There are two obvious reasons why families no longer share mealtimes as they used to do in the past. Firstly, children are often too impatient to eat at the table, and parents sometimes allow them to have their meal in front of the TV or sitting in front of the computer. Secondly, the close-knit family is disappearing in the face of economic pressures. In single-parent households, or in families with working mothers, it can be almost impossible to arrange regular times for meals when all the family is together. The consequences for family life and for children’s health are serious. From the perspective of the family, meals taken together are an important feature of a stable family background. This stability of family routine is a essential factor in shaping children’s personality during their formative years. Family mealtimes are a time to share news, give guidance and to make plans together. In terms of children’s health, family meals were an opportunity to provide all the family members with a healthier diet, based on wholesome home-made food. Without this routine, children are sometimes left to have snacks, or to eat junk food at fast food chains. Health consequences such as obesity and hyperactivity often result when youngsters fail to eat a balanced diet, such as used to be provided at family mealtimes. In conclusion, some reasons can be identified for the decline in shared family meals and the impacts are overwhelmingly negative.
It is true that the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
mealtime is becoming a thing of the past. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons which can
be put
forward to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this changing pattern of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, and there are significant impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life and health.

There are two obvious reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
no longer share mealtimes as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do in the past.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
too impatient to eat at the table, and parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to have their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
in front of the TV or sitting in front of the computer.
Secondly
, the close-knit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is disappearing in the face of economic pressures. In single-parent households, or in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
with working mothers, it can be almost impossible to arrange regular times for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
when all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is together.

The consequences for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life and for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health are serious. From the perspective of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
taken together are an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
feature of a stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
background. This stability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
routine is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
essential factor in shaping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
personality during their formative years.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
mealtimes are a time to share news, give guidance and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
plans together. In terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
were an opportunity to provide all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members with a healthier diet, based on wholesome home-made food. Without this routine,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to have snacks, or to eat junk food at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food chains. Health consequences such as obesity and hyperactivity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
result when youngsters fail to eat a balanced diet, such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
be provided
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
mealtimes.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons can
be identified
for the decline in shared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
and the impacts are
overwhelmingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Happiness is considered very important in life. Discuss the reason why people define happiness differently and how to obtain happiness? v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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