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Most of the world’s problems are caused by overpopulation. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Most of the world’s problems are caused by overpopulation. v. 1
Many people consider overpopulation as the main cause of most problems in the world. From my point of view, while many of the world’s issues are caused by overpopulation, I believe that most problems that people are facing already existed before the world’s population explosion. It is a proven fact that many problems exist due to overpopulation. Firstly, overpopulation puts a strain on the planet’s natural resources. As people need fuel for their cars, an increasing number of people has increased the demand for fossil fuels, such as oil and gas. These resources are unrenewable, and therefore overpopulation will inevitably lead to the depletion of such resources quicker, potentially causing an energy crisis. Secondly, a dense population means a decline in the quality of people’s lives. Life in big cities, such as Beijing, is a good example of this as there is not enough space to accommodate everyone, with lower-class families having to live in very cramped housing. On the other hand, many issues are inherent in human society, regardless of population size. War, for example, has existed since humans lived in tribes with only a small number of people. Nevertheless, war brings strife and destruction to societies. In addition, discrimination based on race, gender and social standing has plagued millions of individuals, even though these issues are unrelated to the size of the population. Therefore, it is inaccurate to say that over-population is the main culprit behind most of mankind’s problems. In conclusion, overpopulation can cause many problems to society and individuals, however, there are other factors involved as well.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overpopulation
as the main cause of most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in the world. From my point of view, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the world’s issues
are caused
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overpopulation
, I believe that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are facing already existed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the world’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
explosion.

It is a proven fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
exist due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overpopulation
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overpopulation
puts a strain on the planet’s natural resources. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need fuel for their cars, an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has increased the demand for fossil fuels, such as oil and gas. These resources are
Possible spelling mistake found.
unrenewable
, and
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overpopulation
will
inevitably
lead to the depletion of such resources quicker,
potentially
causing an energy crisis.
Secondly
, a dense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
means a decline in the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Life in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities, such as Beijing, is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this as there is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
space to accommodate everyone, with lower-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
families having to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
cramped housing.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues are inherent in human society, regardless of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
size. War,
for example
, has existed since humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in tribes with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Nevertheless
, war brings strife and destruction to societies.
In addition
, discrimination based on race, gender and social standing has plagued millions of individuals,
even though
these issues
are unrelated
to the size of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
.
Therefore
, it is inaccurate to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over-population
is the main culprit behind most of mankind’s problems.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overpopulation
can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
to society and individuals,
however
, there are other factors involved
as well
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Most of the world’s problems are caused by overpopulation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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