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Most of the urgent problems can only be solved with international cooperation. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

Most of the urgent problems can only be solved with international cooperation. v. 5
Whether or not international cooperation should tackle to the alarming issues has been a matter of debate since the beginning of the twenty-first century. While there are a lot of benefits of the international organization, I would argue that it is better to address some difficulties in its own country by the national cooperation. In the first place, there are some reasons to believe that global collaboration has responsibility for finding a solution to emerge. For instance, global warming, natural disaster, infectious disease may have a negative impact on the global scale. Therefore, they usually require a lot of money from financial resource of worldwide organizations. In addition to that, fossil fuels like oil and gas are running out, people are cutting down enormous areas of rainforest and destroying wildlife habitats. The international cooperation should introduce laws to limit emissions from factories, invest in renewable energy from solar, wind and water power and natural areas and wild animals should be protected. In the second place, many kinds of urgent matters cannot be solved by international association but also by national assistances. For example, educational issues do not need action from other areas. If government can solve important problems like building educational system, having a good quality education, individuals will also trust in the government and have an obligation to themselves. The other reason is the distinct conditions of every country. As each nation has own difficulties related to culture, climate, politics which can only tackle by their government. In conclusion, although international collaboration brings a great number of benefits to solve immediate matters on global scales, I believe that national organization should also contribute their efforts to improving these problems on the national scale.
Consider shortening this phrase to just "Whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Whether or not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
cooperation should tackle to the alarming issues has been a matter of debate since the beginning of the twenty-
first
century. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
organization, I would argue that it is better to address
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties in its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
cooperation.

In the
first
place, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons to believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
collaboration has responsibility for finding a solution to emerge.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
warming, natural disaster, infectious disease may have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
scale.
Therefore
, they
usually
require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money from financial resource of worldwide organizations.
In addition
to that, fossil fuels like oil and gas are running out,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are cutting down enormous areas of rainforest and destroying wildlife habitats. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
cooperation should introduce laws to limit emissions from factories, invest in renewable energy from solar, wind and water power and natural areas and wild animals should
be protected
.

In the second place,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of urgent matters cannot
be solved
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
association
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
Possible spelling mistake found.
assistances
.
For example
, educational issues do not need action from other areas. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can solve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
problems like building educational system, having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality education, individuals will
also
trust in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and have an obligation to themselves. The other reason is the distinct conditions of every country. As each nation has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
difficulties related to culture, climate, politics which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
tackle by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
collaboration brings a great number of benefits to solve immediate matters on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
scales, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
organization should
also
contribute their efforts to improving these problems on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
scale.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Most of the urgent problems can only be solved with international cooperation. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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