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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example for a working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children) To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.32

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example for a working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children) v. 32
There are certainly an innumerable of benefits the child should achieve by participating in the community work. Due to this some intellectuals opine that this type of activity would be mandatory for all students from a junior school. I strongly support this view as this will explore the new opportunities. To begin with, the predominate reason is that the students should be encouraged to do community service as this will provide them a platform to learn a new skill. Here, the students are performing various activities in a group. Moreover, the students have to work in a team, and they all given the responsibility base on that they have to complete their work. Although, this type of activity can rejuvenate them from their study, give experience of how to deal with the difficult situation. For example, Research conducted shows that a pupil who involve them in this activity can expand their skills also perform better in studies than those who were not appearing in such activity. Furthermore, this type of activity would helpful to their body as well. Due to this they are doing exercise which helps to burn their calories. In today’s modernized world, many students are becoming lazy and they never do the activity where physical strength is required. Therefore, they started to participate in a task where their sedentary lifestyle removed. For instance, the availability of technology and a healthy food many children are suffering from obesity this would be removed by involving them in a different activity. In conclusion, as per my opinion, this activity provides a medium to learn the new skill. Even this will also help them to rejuvenate from their studies and helps to maintain their health as well. The school should force the child to take part in such activity.
There are
certainly
The phrase 'an innumerable of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'an' and 'of'.
an innumerable of
benefits the child should achieve by participating in the community work. Due to this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
intellectuals opine that this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
would be mandatory for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from a junior school. I
strongly
support this view as this will explore the new opportunities.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the predominate reason is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be encouraged
to do community service as this will provide them a platform to learn a new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
. Here, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are performing various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in a group.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work in a team, and they all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the responsibility base on that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
complete their work. Although, this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
can rejuvenate them from their study, give experience of how to deal with the difficult situation.
For example
, Research conducted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that a pupil who involve them in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
can expand their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
also
perform better in studies than those who
The verb 'appearing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
were not appearing
in such activity.

Furthermore
, this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
would helpful to their body
as well
. Due to this they are doing exercise which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to burn their calories. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modernized world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are becoming
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lazy and
they never do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
where physical strength
is required
.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to participate in a task where their sedentary lifestyle removed.
For instance
, the availability of technology and a healthy food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children are suffering from obesity this would
be removed
by involving them in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
activity.

In conclusion
, as per my opinion, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
provides a medium to learn the new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
. Even this will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to rejuvenate from their studies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to maintain their health
as well
. The school should force the child to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example for a working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children) v. 32

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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