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Most of the urgent problems can only be solved with international cooperation. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.1

Most of the urgent problems can only be solved with international cooperation. v. 1
It is true that some people believe that cross-national cooperation is the only measure that can be tackled the majority of the emergent issues. While I accept that this may suit many people, I believe that not all of acute problems can be coped with international organizations. On the one hand, it is widely agreed that many issues have reached a global level and only through the cooperation of a wide range of countries can be addressed. Firstly, global warming is an increasing concern for human around the world. For example, the famous Kyoto Protocol is the result of international cooperation, which has been implemented for many years in an attempt to reduce the emission of greenhouse gas. Secondly, our world is facing to lots of terrorism, there are many murders and bombing which need worldwide support and assistance. For instance, multi-national cooperation need to tackled terrorist acts from the Islamic State (IS), which has taken the lives of many innocent people in the world. On the other hand, most of alarming problems can solely be coped with the local authorities. First, education, health and poverty can only be solved by their own governments. In particular, the global support’s aid is temporary, therefore the governments have to implement the good policies to develop their countries, give poor people chance to improve their standard of living. Furthermore, corruption is the urgent issues that can only be deal with the independent development and reform of individual countries. The international organization has no authority to inquiry a country’s government, which can only be prevented by the local residents and officials. In conclusion, while cross-national organization is an effective way in dealing with many of acute problems, it seems to me that there are also a large number of urgent issues that require the domestic resolution and action instead of a global support.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that cross-national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
measure that can
be tackled
the majority of the emergent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
. While I accept that this may suit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I believe that not all of acute problems can
be coped
with international organizations.

On the one hand, it is
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
have reached a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
level and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
of a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
be addressed
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
warming is an increasing concern for human around the world.
For example
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Kyoto Protocol is the result of international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
, which has
been implemented
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years in an attempt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the emission of greenhouse gas.
Secondly
, our world is facing to lots of terrorism, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
murders and bombing which need worldwide support and assistance.
For instance
, multi-national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
need to tackled terrorist acts from the Islamic State (IS), which has taken the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
innocent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world.

On the other hand
, most of alarming problems can
solely
be coped
with the local authorities.
First
, education, health and poverty can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
be solved
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.
In particular
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
support’s aid is temporary,
therefore
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
implement the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
policies to develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, give poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their standard of living.
Furthermore
, corruption is the urgent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
be
Consider using a past participle here: "dealt".
deal
with the independent development and reform of individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. The international organization has no authority to inquiry a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
by the local residents and officials.

In conclusion
, while cross-national organization is an effective way in dealing with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of acute problems, it seems to me that there are
also
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
urgent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
that require the domestic resolution and action
instead
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
support.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Most of the urgent problems can only be solved with international cooperation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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