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Most of the people accept that we now live in a globalized world but not everyone agrees that this is beneficial. To what extent is globalisation a positive or negative development? v.1

Most of the people accept that we now live in a globalized world but not everyone agrees that this is beneficial. v. 1
In this contemporary nature, everything turned into globalized like scientific development, transporting, investing trends, cultures and environment. And people experienced the new ambience of the world because of this globalisation. It has double- sword development. On the one hand, improvements are necessary in our world like globalization because it has positive developed especially people can go anywhere in the earth and he can enjoy the new prospects of life. In other words, students and labour easily move to other places and they settled there. A study, for instance, conducted by Queens University reported that people migration increased by 45%. Furthermore, country can improve the financial economy through exports and imports. On the other hand, despite above benefits, some problems arise like the economic crisis. This is because country's expanding their business sectors into other areas like USA. For example, USA experienced financial crisis in 2009 and eventually 11 countries got many problems in their GDP. Another effect is danger may arise from culture and language, too. This is because people may prefer to learn international languages like English for their business and study needs, so eventually they ignore the domestic language and culture. Moreover, poorer people do not access the basic technology so that globalization is not all useful for them. In my opinion, it has lots of negative development like tensions may arise between social and political groups because of inequality. In conclusion, although it has both developments, drawbacks are more than the benefits like cultures and languages in danger, political and social tensions may arise.
In this contemporary nature, everything turned into globalized like scientific development, transporting, investing trends,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and environment. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
experienced the new ambience of the world
because of this
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
. It has double- sword development.

On the one hand, improvements are necessary in our world like
Do not mix variants of the same word ('globalization' and 'globalisation') within a single text.
globalization
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
developed
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can go anywhere in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
earth and
he can enjoy the new prospects of life. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, students and
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
places and
they settled there. A study,
for instance
, conducted by Queens University reported that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
migration increased by 45%.
Furthermore
, country can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the financial economy through exports and imports.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, despite above benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arise
like the economic crisis. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
country's expanding their business sectors into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
areas
A determiner is probably missing here: "like the USA".
like USA
.
For example
, USA experienced financial crisis in 2009 and
eventually
11 countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems in their GDP.

Another effect is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arise
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, too. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may prefer to learn international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
like English for their business and study needs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
eventually
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
Moreover
, poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not access the basic technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
Do not mix variants of the same word ('globalization' and 'globalisation') within a single text.
globalization
is not all useful for them.

In my opinion, it has lots of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development like tensions may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arise
between social and political groups
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of inequality.

In conclusion
, although it has both developments, drawbacks are more than the benefits like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
, political and social tensions may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arise
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Most of the people accept that we now live in a globalized world but not everyone agrees that this is beneficial. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
257 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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