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Childhood obesity has become a serious problem in many countries. Explain the main causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions. v.2

Childhood obesity has become a serious problem in many countries. Explain the main causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions. v. 2
Children seem to enjoy eating unhealthy food and playing video games which have various negative effects stemmed from this. This problem will solve if all efforts gather from people and government. Perhaps the major overweight problem is a poor diet, which this junk food and soft drinks contain a high amount of fat and sugar such as hamburgers, chips, and soft drinks. Added to this the lack of exercise or physical activity resulting from excessive watching TV and play a video game, meaning that children may have a risk of diseases such as diabetes, heart disease, and obesity. There also concerns about play computer games of reflexes due to chat on the internet which often addicted to social media. The most alarming physical impact of such activities is possible the risk of obesity or inadequate development, meaning children become obsessed with this unhealthy life and unfit. This will undermine their system, which has more illnesses when they have grown up. In addition, there is a psychological impact often accompanies this lifestyle that younger people have no confidence about their shape and be socialized and make a relationship in school, so instead of that, they may become an introverted person. On the other hand, the increasing numbers of obesity among younger that will put high pressure on hospitals, which will be many people do not find a bed to a cure. Turning to a possible solution, perhaps the immediate step would be to promote more active lifestyles through exercise regimen and sports programs which would help to detoxify the lifestyle of children affected. This could be done through sponsorships of sports, or take part in competitive events such as races and matches, hopefully to ameliorating the physical effect of unhealthy habits. For instance, if the sports champion or figureheads speak out about these dangers, the message may well get through to younger. Second potential remedies for the danger of having obesity, it is the responsibility' s parents for making sure that they have a healthy diet, and control what they eat and prefer. For example, if parents let their children eat fast food, it must cut the amount of those meals to once a week or a month. The following step is to encourage children to follow a healthy diet. In conclusion, the risk of obesity among children has increased in the present due to consuming a lot of junk food. The possible solutions will take years to put them in an action. In the future, it might involve stronger education about the changes and the health benefits of more active purists.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
seem to enjoy eating unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and playing video games which have various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects stemmed from this. This problem will solve if all efforts gather from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

Perhaps the major overweight problem is a poor diet, which this junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and soft drinks contain a high amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and sugar such as hamburgers, chips, and soft drinks.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Added
to this the lack of exercise or physical activity resulting from excessive watching TV and play a video game, meaning that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of diseases such as diabetes, heart disease, and obesity. There
also
concerns about play computer games of reflexes due to chat on the internet which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
addicted to social media.

The most alarming physical impact of such activities is possible the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of obesity or inadequate development, meaning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become obsessed with this unhealthy life and unfit. This will undermine their system, which has more illnesses when they have grown up.
In addition
, there is a psychological impact
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
accompanies this lifestyle that younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have no confidence about their shape and
be socialized
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a relationship in school,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
instead
of that, they may become an introverted person.
On the other hand
, the increasing numbers of obesity among younger that will put high pressure on hospitals, which will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not find a bed to a cure.

Turning to a possible solution, perhaps the immediate step would be to promote more active lifestyles through exercise regimen and sports programs which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to detoxify the lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
. This could
be done
through sponsorships of sports, or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in competitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
such as races and matches,
hopefully
to ameliorating the physical effect of unhealthy habits.
For instance
, if the sports champion or figureheads speak out about these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
, the message may well
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
through to younger. Second potential remedies for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of having obesity, it is the
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsibility&
#039; s parents for making sure that they have a healthy diet, and control what they eat and prefer.
For example
, if parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
the amount of those meals to once a week or a month. The following step is to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to follow a healthy diet.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of obesity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has increased in the present due to consuming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. The possible solutions will take years to put them in an action. In the future, it might involve stronger education about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and the health benefits of more active purists.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Childhood obesity has become a serious problem in many countries. Explain the main causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
431 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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