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Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. Do you agree? v.8

Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. Do you agree? v. 8
In recent years, a growing attention has been paid to gender fairness at work places. Although an increasing number of females serve as the workforce in the majority of developed countries, most of higher management positions are taken by men. In order to promote gender equality, some people think that companies should hire a certain number of women and allocate them to the upper positions. I acknowledge the importance of equal opportunities at work; however, I disagree with the above opinion as it may contribute to unfairness to male workers and reduce the productivity. Both genders should be given an equal opportunity but it does not always mean that they have an equal outcome. This means that companies should not judge candidates by their genders, but should pay attention to their individual performance. For example, when hiring a new employee or promoting someone in a higher position, the position should be open to both genders. If the position is limited to only women, men with higher qualities may lose a chance. This is unfair to male workers who work harder and make a greater contribution to the company. Nonetheless, companies should create a working environment which is friendly to both male and female employees. I think that males are dominant in high-level positions because many women give up their career once they are married or have children to focus on houseworks. This contributes to discontinuity of work, and discourage women to step up their career path. Companies can introduce flexible working hours and make it easy to take maternity leave, for instance. If these assistances are in place, women who want to have children can pursue their career after a gap, or even continue to work. Furthermore, this may apply to men who want to take a maternity leave, creating an equal opportunity for both genders. In conclusion, I believe that companies should create a friendly environment for both genders so that they have access to necessary help and make a flexible decision in regards to their careers. Nonetheless, saving a certain proportion of high-level positions for women does not necessarily provide a gender equality as it may limit as opportunity of male workers who posses high personal attributes and contribute more to the company.
In recent years, a growing attention has
been paid
to gender fairness at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
places. Although an increasing number of females serve as the workforce in the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, most of higher management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
are taken
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. In order to promote gender equality,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should hire a certain number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and allocate them to the upper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
. I acknowledge the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
;
however
, I disagree with the above opinion as it may contribute to unfairness to male workers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the productivity.

Both genders should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it does not always mean that they have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
outcome. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should not judge candidates by their genders,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
should pay attention to their individual performance.
For example
, when hiring a new employee or promoting someone in a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
should be open to both genders. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
is limited
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
with higher qualities may lose a chance. This is unfair to male workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a greater contribution to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

Nonetheless,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should create a working environment which is friendly to both male and female employees. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
are dominant in high-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
give up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
once they
are married
or have children to focus on
Possible spelling mistake found.
houseworks
. This contributes to discontinuity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, and discourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to step up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Companies
can introduce flexible working hours and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it easy to take maternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
,
for instance
. If these
Possible spelling mistake found.
assistances
are in place,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
want to have children can pursue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
after a gap, or even continue to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Furthermore
, this may apply to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
want to take a maternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
, creating an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
for both genders.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should create a friendly environment for both genders
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they have access to necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a flexible decision
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
in regards to
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
. Nonetheless, saving a certain proportion of high-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
does not
necessarily
provide a gender equality as it may limit as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
of male workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
posses high personal attributes and contribute more to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. Do you agree? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
375 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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