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Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. v. 3
Although female workers constitute the majority of the employees in developed countries, most top-level positions in corporations are occupied by males. It is argued that a good solution for this phenomenon to allocate a certain quota for females to fill some of these positions. In this essay I will explain why I do not agree with this approach. To begin with, I believe that progression in one’s career should depend on one’s skills and performance. Consequently, forcing companies to consider gender as one of the criteria for promotion is not a healthy practice. Females, However, should have similar opportunities for career progression without being discriminated against as well. With time this approach would definitely minimize the gap in a healtheir way than pre-determining a certain quota for women. For example, many studies have concluded that, companies that do not consider gender as a criterion when promoting their employees have an equal split between males and females in leading positions. Another reason for not supporting this approach, is the fact that developed countries are recently adding more genders to the gender list. Nowadays, In addition to males and females, transgenders are being considered as a separate gender. Thus, requiring companies to give females priority today might open other doors in the future. Moreover, I think that this approach has proved to be ineffective when it came to age, race, and religion, and will continue to fail in other areas. For example, years ago some countries passed bills that forced companies to promote people because of their age, race or religion, and companies’ preformances in these countries deteriorated significantly during that period. In conclusion, I believe that females are not getting fair chances when it comes to aquiring leading positions in their corporations. However, to overcome this challenge we should not determine a certain quota for women in their working places. In my opinion this would decrease the performance of these companies, as people with lower qualifications will be promoted because of their gender, and will open doors for other genders to ask for dedicated quotas in the future. I think that giving everyone their fair chance withought looking at their gender would eventually result in an increase of women working in high-level positions.
Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
workers constitute the majority of the employees in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, most top-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
in corporations
are occupied
by males. It
is argued
that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
solution for this phenomenon to allocate a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quota
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
to fill
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
. In this essay I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this approach.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I believe that progression in one’s career should depend on one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and performance.
Consequently
, forcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to consider gender as one of the criteria for promotion is not a healthy practice.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Females
,
However
, should have similar opportunities for career progression without
being discriminated
against
as well
. With time this approach would definitely minimize the gap in a
Possible spelling mistake found.
healtheir
Use "(way)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
way
than
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-determining
a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quota
for women.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
studies have concluded that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
that do not consider gender as a criterion when promoting their employees have an equal split between males and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
in leading positions.

Another reason for not supporting this approach, is the fact that developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are recently adding more genders to the gender list. Nowadays,
In addition
to males and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
, transgenders are
being considered
as a separate gender.
Thus
, requiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
priority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
might open other doors in the future.
Moreover
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this approach has proved to be ineffective when it came to age, race, and religion, and will continue to fail in other areas.
For example
, years ago
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
passed bills that forced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to promote
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their age, race or religion, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies’
Possible spelling mistake found.
preformances
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
deteriorated
significantly
during that period.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are not getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
chances when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
aquiring
leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
in their corporations.
However
, to overcome this challenge we should not determine a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quota
for women in their working places. In my opinion this would decrease the performance of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with lower qualifications will
be promoted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their gender, and will open doors for other genders to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
dedicated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quotas
in the future. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that giving everyone their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
chance
Possible spelling mistake found.
withought
looking at their gender would
eventually
result in an increase of women working in high-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
372 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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