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Most employers nowadays put increasing emphasis on social skills. Some people believe that social skills are important in addition to good qualifications for job success. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Most employers nowadays put increasing emphasis on social skills. Some people believe that social skills are important in addition to good qualifications for job success. v. 2
Generally speaking, sufficient hours of sleep is required for mental and physical well being. However, studies reveal that nowadays most people sleep less than in the past. This essay explores probable causes of sleep deprivation and its side effects. With time, it is natural to have many changes in the dynamics of life, and some of them are responsible for lack of sleep. Firstly, in this competitive world corporation has extended the work hours. In other words, people have to work overtime. At the same time, they have family responsibilities to fulfil after work. For instance, they may have to help their children with their homework or do other odd jobs around the house and this leaves little time for sleep. Secondly, some people have the unhealthy habit of using social media till late night. Last but not least, television broadcasts a wide range of entertainment shows which are eagerly watched by their fans till midnight. There are numerous negative effects to having less sleep. First and foremost, it reduces the concentration and affects productivity. Unarguably, there is insurmountable pressure to meet deadlines at the workplace, and hence anxiety, stress and strain augments due to compromised sleep. Secondly, the person may lose his temper as mental relaxation is not achieved in the first place. Many times, personal relationships are affected because of confrontation regarding minor issues. To exemplify, divorce cases are on the rise because of disturbed mental state caused by sleep deprivation. In a nutshell, to live a healthy life, sufficient amount of sleep is imperative; otherwise, it may lead to many negative consequences as mentioned.
Generally
speaking, sufficient hours of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
is required
for mental and physical
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
.
However
, studies reveal that nowadays most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
less than in the past. This essay explores probable causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
deprivation and its side effects.

With
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, it is natural to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the dynamics of life, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are responsible for lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
.
Firstly
, in this competitive world corporation has extended the work hours.
In other words
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work overtime. At the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they have family responsibilities to fulfil after work.
For instance
, they may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their children with their homework or do other odd jobs around the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have the unhealthy habit of using social media till late night. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, television broadcasts a wide range of entertainment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
which are
eagerly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
by their fans till midnight.

There are numerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects to having less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
.
First
and foremost, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the concentration and affects productivity.
Unarguably
, there is insurmountable pressure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
deadlines at the workplace, and
hence
anxiety,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and strain augments due to compromised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
.
Secondly
, the person may lose his temper
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
mental relaxation is not achieved in the
first
place.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, personal relationships are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of confrontation regarding minor issues. To exemplify, divorce cases are on the rise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of disturbed mental state caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
deprivation.

In a nutshell, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthy life, sufficient amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
is imperative;
otherwise
, it may lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences as mentioned.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Most employers nowadays put increasing emphasis on social skills. Some people believe that social skills are important in addition to good qualifications for job success. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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