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Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue with their work. To what extent do you agree? v.9

Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue with their work. v. 9
Artists' play an imperative role in human civilization. Although the artists have less wage compared to other sectors, but they have support from non-profit organisations, and with the advent of technology they are recognized globally. Thus, I disagree with this statement. In this essay I will discuss why the artists do not require the government support. Firstly, the artists are sponsored by many non profit organisations. Consequently, the artist does not need government financing, because they are financed by the companies which preserve the art and nature. And these organizations provide career opportunities to those who have real talent in the arts. For instance, Global Art Organisation in UK provides a medium of help to the people who are interested in creating new arts or in preserving the art for the society. Thus, the artists receive a healthy amount of money from these organizations, they do not need financial help from the government. Secondly, the artists are receiving global recognition due to the advent of technology. Now, the can use visual media and advance creative software to design better art and sell this internationally. Since the financial dealing is all over the world, they can earn in the foreign currency directly from their homes. For example, these days, people love for abstract painting and sculptures are on the rise and they can be sold to anyone by just video conference with the costumer. Hence, the artists are earning in different currencies, therefore, they do not need any help from the government anymore. To conclude, artists are earning a handsome amount of money by selling their work internationally and also from the companies which preserve the arts. Therefore, the artists do not require any government sponsorship.
Artists' play an imperative role in human civilization. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
have less wage compared to other sectors,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they have support from non-profit
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
, and with the advent of technology they
are recognized
globally.
Thus
, I disagree with this statement. In this essay I will discuss why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
do not require the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
support.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are sponsored
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
non profit
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
does not need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
financing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are financed
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which preserve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and nature. And these
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organization' and 'organisation') within a single text.
organizations
provide career opportunities to those who have real talent in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
For instance
, Global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
Possible spelling mistake. 'Organisation' is British English.
Organisation
in UK provides a medium of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
are interested
in creating new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
or in preserving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
for the society.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
receive a healthy amount of money from these
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organization' and 'organisation') within a single text.
organizations
, they do not need financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are receiving global recognition due to the advent of technology.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, the can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
visual media and advance creative software to design better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and sell this
internationally
. Since the financial dealing is all over the world, they can earn in the foreign currency
directly
from their homes.
For example
, these days,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for abstract painting and sculptures are on the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
rise and
they can
be sold
to anyone by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
video conference with the costumer.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are earning in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
currencies,
therefore
, they do not need any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
anymore.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are earning a handsome amount of money by selling their work
internationally
and
also
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which preserve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
do not require any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
sponsorship.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue with their work. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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