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Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them continue with their work. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.2

Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them continue with their work. v. 2
Many people are of the opinion that artists who do not earn a decent income should be supported by the union. I do not agree with this point of view because I believe ministry funding should be spent on pressing social problems and also because artists can find alternative sources of income to support themselves. Government funding should be used to deal with pressing problems rather than support artists. Investment in the art industry contributes little to improving the standard of living of the general public. Art, after all, has been considered as luxury item by the majority of people and has nothing to do with their everyday life. By contrast, education and health care are more closely related to people’s wellbeing. By pouring more money into these areas, the authority can make education more affordable and accessible for young people and thus provide them better opportunities for their future employment. At the same time, state funding also enables medical facilities function properly and this can offer better health services to citizens. All these improvements contribute to the betterment of people’s lives. Moreover, like any other professionals, artists can find other financial resources and support themselves. To begin with, artists can cooperate with other organizations and companies by providing creative ideas and graphic designs. This helps them to earn extra income and reduce their reliance on authority help. Another point is that artists nowadays can take advantages of the modern technology such as social media networking to promote their own artworks and sell them worldwide. To conclude, in my perspective, union funding should be spent on education and health care so as to benefit more people and artists should find alternative financial resources by selling their creative ideas and artworks.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
who do not earn a decent income should
be supported
by the union. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I believe ministry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
funding
should
be spent
on pressing social problems and
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
can find alternative sources of income to support themselves.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
funding
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to deal with pressing problems
rather
than support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
. Investment in the art industry contributes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
to improving the standard of living of the
Consider using "public".
general public
. Art,
after all
, has
been considered
as luxury item by the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and has nothing to do with their everyday life. By contrast, education and health care are more
closely
related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
. By pouring more money into these areas, the authority can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
education more affordable and accessible for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
thus
provide them better opportunities for their future employment. At the same time, state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
funding
also
enables medical facilities function
properly
and this can offer better health services to citizens. All these improvements contribute to the betterment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Moreover
, like any other professionals,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
can find other financial resources and support themselves. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
can cooperate with other organizations and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
by providing creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and graphic designs. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to earn extra income and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their reliance on authority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. Another point is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
nowadays can take advantages of the modern technology such as social media networking to promote their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
artworks and sell them worldwide.

To conclude
, in my perspective, union
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
funding
should
be spent
on education and health care
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
benefit more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
should find alternative financial resources by selling their creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and artworks.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them continue with their work. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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