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most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the governemnt in order for them to continue with their work. what are the advantages and disadvantages v.1

most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the governemnt in order for them to continue with their work. what are the advantages and disadvantages v. 1
Some artists do not reach lucrative and the state should be given financial back to continue with their avenues. Although they will often struggle to make a living and enhance about the skills with their income. However the government support will be created some trivial among the communities. The reasons for my view will be given henceforth. First it is not worthy that, most of artists are spending massive time and millions of own funds for creating a mesmerize masterpiece. For example, the prominent film director in the Bollywood is contributing giant funds for making a fascinating film. The main challenges that an artist will face recover the money which has contributed to the work. Obviously they would have allocated funds from obtaining a loan facility from a bank. Hence other party financial support should be important to continue their professions and maintain their lives. Consequently, state funding is not at all required for these individuals. There are many sections of peoples who are really poor and obviously need some help from governing body to meet their basic needs as foods, cloths and health. For instance labours are earning small wages and they do not have a house and proper health insurance. Therefore, before mitigating the financial issues from artists the government should be preserved whole citizen as first. In conclusion, although the power of the country will be protected artists who expecting financial backing. Furthermore, in this modern era, the talented artists are earning lucrative who is operating new technology. As a contradiction of sorts, I believe that financial supporting is given by the states indispensable not only the artists but also in a whole society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
do not reach lucrative and the state should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
back to continue with their avenues. Although they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
struggle to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living and enhance about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
with their income.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
support will
be created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
trivial among the communities. The reasons for my view will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
henceforth.

First
it is not worthy that, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are spending massive time and millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
funds for creating
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'mesmerize' is correct. If 'mesmerize' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a mesmerize
masterpiece.
For example
, the prominent film director in the Bollywood is contributing giant funds for making a fascinating film. The main challenges that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
will face recover the money which has contributed to the work.
Obviously
they would have allocated funds from obtaining a loan facility from a bank.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
other party
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
support should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to continue their professions and maintain their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Consequently
, state funding is not at all required for these individuals. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sections of peoples who are
really
poor and
obviously
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from governing body to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their basic needs as foods, cloths and health.
For instance
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
are earning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
wages and
they do not have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and proper health insurance.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
mitigating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
issues from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
be preserved
whole citizen as
first
.

In conclusion
, although the power of the country will
be protected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
who expecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
backing.
Furthermore
, in this modern era, the talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are earning lucrative who is operating new technology. As a contradiction of sorts, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
supporting is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by the states indispensable not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in a whole society.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the governemnt in order for them to continue with their work. what are the advantages and disadvantages v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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