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More students travel abroad for further education. Do you believe the advantages of this experience are greater than the drawbacks associated with it? v.2

More students travel abroad for further education. Do you believe the advantages of this experience are greater than the drawbacks associated with it? v. 2
Numerous students are wandering abroad for advanced education in recent years. Whereas some people opine that the positive experience will outweigh the problems, others argue that there are several problems associated with it. In this essay, I will discuss why I believe that the advantages of a study abroad exceed the drawbacks. The main benefit of studying abroad is marvellous because students can meet and deal with different persons outside their country. They also have the opportunity to learn something that cannot be obtained conveniently in their home country. For Example, the king Abdullah program allows Saudis students to attend university in The United Kingdom. These students can develop the English language skills of the country they are visiting. Furthermore, they can learn in a system that is different from that of their home country. It is a truly invaluable experience for any person wishing to enrich their education. On the other hand, studying abroad can be a significant hazard if students cannot control, manage their selves, and accomplish some problems, especially in fundamental aspects. Moreover, they will be in trouble if they are not an independent person who hangs down from others. Due to this fact, some of the students quite frustrated when they have a problem regarding doing some assignments, clean their flat, and how to manage their time, especially when they are playing online games. To sum up the idea above, I reaffirmed that the advantages of continuing education abroad experience outweigh the deficiency that emerges from conducting education inside home countries. It can only be perceived if they can be an independent person, can control ourselves, and be mature to solve the problems regarding fundamental aspects.
Numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are wandering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
for advanced education in recent years. Whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
experience will outweigh the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, others argue that there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
associated with it. In this essay, I will discuss why I believe that the advantages of a study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
exceed the drawbacks.

The main benefit of studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
is
Possible spelling mistake. 'marvellous' is British English.
marvellous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
outside their
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country
. They
also
have the opportunity to learn something that cannot
be obtained
conveniently
in their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For Example
, the king Abdullah program
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
Saudis
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to attend university in The United Kingdom. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can develop the English language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
they are visiting.
Furthermore
, they can learn in a system
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from that of their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. It is a
truly
invaluable experience for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
wishing to enrich their education.

On the other hand
, studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
can be a significant hazard if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
cannot control, manage their selves, and accomplish
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
especially
in fundamental aspects.
Moreover
, they will be in trouble if they are not an independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who hangs down from others. Due to this fact,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
quite frustrated when they have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
regarding doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
assignments, clean their flat, and how to manage their time,
especially
when they are playing online games.

To sum up the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
above, I reaffirmed that the advantages of continuing education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
experience outweigh the deficiency that emerges from conducting education inside home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be perceived
if they can be an independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
, can control ourselves, and be mature to solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
regarding fundamental aspects.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay More students travel abroad for further education. Do you believe the advantages of this experience are greater than the drawbacks associated with it? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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