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More people decided to have children in their later age than in the past Why Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages v.1

More people decided to have children in their later age than in the past Why Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages v. 1
Many people feel bad about deductions of taxes from their salaries. They feel that their hard-earned salaries should be retained by them rather than paying a hefty amount to the local government as a tax. In my point of view, I disagree with this statement. Furthermore, I will explain some of the advantages that we earn by paying taxes. To start with, most individuals are unaware that taxation provides them many sorts of benefits. By paying monthly tax, a person can get subsidies on education fees for children, rebates on properties, which are sold by the government. Furthermore, this will also help in building a better infrastructure of cities by building new roads and public transport such as metro, buses and railways. Therefore, it is important to understand the value of tax, which is paid to the government. Secondly, the government forms many policies to provide benefits to its state people. These policies are funded from the taxes which the society pays to them, but in return the government offers many schemes to its society. For instance, through taxes, government gives many loans to people who need it. Additionally, many times such policies may help us in case of emergency like medical insurance, which we might need in case of any misfortune. Thus, it is a right of everyone to use their taxes in a form of government policies and schemes. To conclude, I would state that taxation is an important part of income and people should not treat it as a burden. In fact, people should take advantage of the facilities and policies provided by the government to them in return.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
about deductions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
from their salaries. They feel that their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-earned salaries should
be retained
by them
rather
than paying a hefty amount to the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
. In my point of view, I disagree with this statement.
Furthermore
, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
advantages that we earn by paying taxes.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, most individuals are unaware that taxation provides them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sorts of benefits. By paying monthly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
, a person can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
subsidies on education fees for children, rebates on properties, which
are sold
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
Furthermore
, this will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in building a better infrastructure of cities by building new roads and public transport such as metro, buses and railways.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to understand the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
, which
is paid
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
forms
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policies
to provide benefits to its state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policies
are funded
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
which the society pays to them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in return the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schemes to its society.
For instance
, through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
loans to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who need it.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policies
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us in case of emergency like medical insurance, which we might need in case of any misfortune.
Thus
, it is a right of everyone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
in a form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policies
and schemes.

To conclude
, I would state that taxation is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of income and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not treat it as a burden. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take advantage of the facilities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policies
provided by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to them in return.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay More people decided to have children in their later age than in the past Why Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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