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More people decided to have children in their later age than in the past. Why? Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.5

More people decided to have children in their later age than in the past. Why? Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages? v. 5
Among the various changes we are encountering daily between the previous and recent times, is the new mindset that prefers to have offsprings in an older age. This shall have some pros and cons but are these merits enough to take such decision or not? In the past, women, whether educated they have been or not, were accustomed to getting married at her early 20s ages and directly have a baby on her bare hands just after one year of marriage. Since the life at such moments have been much easier, cheaper with less needs, for instance, one would only aim to send his child to a considerate school. To put it in another way, no luxurious requirements, unlike nowadays, as participating in a well-known club for different trainings and exercises or going out for costy trips frequently. Meanwhile, no much concentration was given to the way of raising children properly, but just in a similar method that this young mother has been brought up even if it was a false way of raising. Nevertheless, at the recent moments, people are paying more attention to this issue regarding marriage and children. Should they be able to offer a relatively high standard of living to their children or not has become a serious concern that mostly yields to postponing the intention of having children just after marriage. For example, having a man in a relationship but never take a forward step until his savings reach to a couple of hundred thousands, this may last to up to 7 years. Despite being more immersed in work and practical life, youth are now frowning of taking a huge responsibility as marriage and bringing up children. Whilst these may not be positive reasons, a one crucial aspect is the delicate focus on how children are raised in order to supply them with proper mentality and spirit. For this specific purpose, I would greatly argue that the benefits of having children in older years exceeds its drawbacks. In conclusion, to have children and bring them up properly is not easy matter, so the society is tending, conversely with the past, to do so at the most suitable age, which happens to be an older one. Many reasons for such way of thinking including mainly getting stable humans, for that in my view point, I think the strengths of this decision overcomes its weaknesses.
Among the various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
we are encountering daily between the previous and recent times, is the new mindset that prefers to have
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
in an older age. This shall have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pros and cons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are these merits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to take such decision or not?

In the past, women, whether educated they have been or not,
were accustomed
to getting married at her early 20s ages and
directly
have a baby on her bare hands
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
after one year of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
. Since the life at such moments have been much easier, cheaper with
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun needs is countable.
less
needs,
for instance
, one would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
aim to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
his child to a considerate school. To put it in another way, no luxurious requirements, unlike nowadays, as participating in a well-known club for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
trainings and exercises or going out for
Possible spelling mistake found.
costy
trips
frequently
. Meanwhile,
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
much concentration was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the way of raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
properly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in a similar method that this young mother has
been brought
up even if it was a false way of raising.

Nevertheless
, at the recent moments,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are paying more attention to this issue regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Should they be able to offer a
relatively
high standard of living to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or not has become a serious concern that
mostly
yields to postponing the intention of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
.
For example
, having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
in a relationship
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
never take a forward step until his savings reach to a couple of hundred thousands, this may last to up to 7 years. Despite being more immersed in work and practical life, youth are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
frowning of taking a huge responsibility as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
and bringing up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Whilst these may not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
reasons, a one crucial aspect is the delicate focus on how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are raised
in order to supply them with proper mentality and spirit. For this specific purpose, I would
greatly
argue that the benefits of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in older years exceeds its drawbacks.

In conclusion
, to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and bring them up
properly
is not easy matter,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the society is tending,
conversely
with the past, to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
at the most suitable age, which happens to be an older one.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
reasons for such way of thinking including
mainly
getting stable humans, for that in my view point, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the strengths of this decision overcomes its weaknesses.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay More people decided to have children in their later age than in the past. Why? Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
398 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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