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Popular events like the football world cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.10

Popular events like the football world cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. with this opinion? v. 10
Nowadays, the competition between individuals in a particular job is growing. Young and elderly have to compete for the same available vacant spot. Apart from increasing unemployment and poverty in certain age groups, this essay will also mention some possible suggestions to solve this crisis. Rising competition between seniors and youth lead to unemployment and poverty. Companies tend to hire young people as they are satisfied to work with a lower salary. Therefore, this will lead to reject seniors and increase the unemployment rate in a certain age group, especially 50-65, which will create poverty among them as they are the individuals who have the biggest family. Furthermore, hiring only youth will lead to redundancy in older people and most companies will face greater challenges and may result in their failures because they substitute the most experienced individuals with naïve amateur ones. After the Iraq war, institutions start to hire only young individuals as their wages where half of the seniors and, therefore, more than 70% of these companies face bankruptcy and many families suffer from poverty. However, every crisis comes with possible solutions. Companies should assign balanced seats between elderly and young people so they can benefit the experience as well as gain some profit by hiring low salaries individuals. In addition to this, the government should consider reducing the age of retirement so neither older people, nor their families will suffer from financial issues. Moreover, by doing this, some elderly can afford to start their own private business which creates more vacancies to all age groups. A survey shows that there are more private business and more spots in counties where the retirement age is less. In conclusion, the competition between elderly and young individuals for the same job is an increasing problem that may lead to unemployment, poverty and business failure. However, reducing the age of retirement and offering balanced seat for all age groups are possible solutions.
Nowadays, the competition between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
in a particular job is growing.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
compete for the same available vacant spot. Apart from increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
in certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, this essay will
also
mention
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible suggestions to solve this crisis.

Rising competition between seniors and youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Companies
tend to hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as they
are satisfied
to work with a lower salary.
Therefore
, this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to reject seniors and increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
rate in a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
,
especially
50-65, which will create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
among them as they are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
who have the biggest family.
Furthermore
, hiring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
youth will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to redundancy in older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
will face greater challenges and may result in their failures
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they substitute the most experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
with naïve amateur ones. After the Iraq war, institutions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to hire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
as their wages where half of the seniors and,
therefore
, more than 70% of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
face bankruptcy and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families suffer from poverty.

However
, every crisis
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with possible solutions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Companies
should assign balanced seats between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can benefit the experience
as well
as gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
profit by hiring low salaries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
.
In addition
to this, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should consider reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of retirement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
neither older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, nor their families will suffer from financial issues.
Moreover
, by doing this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
can afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
private business which creates more vacancies to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
. A survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that there are more private business and more spots in counties where the retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is less.

In conclusion
, the competition between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
for the same job is an increasing problem that may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
and business failure.
However
, reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of retirement and offering balanced seat for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
are possible solutions.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Popular events like the football world cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. with this opinion? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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