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In today ‘s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents ‘ absence. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

In today ‘s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents ‘ absence. with this statement? v. 1
Raising a child is considered to be a key facet of the world as they'll be representing a new generation in a few years and are to be a part of society. It is quintessential for these kids to be constructive to the society, and the higher the number of impactful children, we contribute to the world, the better this world will become. From the terminology alone, we can ascertain that this process is coined as 'raising' a child, which is to bring a child from square one to a place where they are fitted with the adequate qualifications to make beneficial, constructive decisions for the world and such an upbringing is maintained as successful. The primary factor for a child is their parents and they are even more important when the child is learning its way through life. Some things in life do not come based on the will and they are to be present inherent within an individual. The love and affection of a parent towards a child are such a character and it is essential for a child to be under the shelter of their parents during growth. However, in the current state of the world, the parents do feel the requirement to go out to work and this results in them spending less time with the children. Though this results in the family enjoying the additional income, I believe this to be negative for the children in that family as children grown without the care and guidance of their parents would face difficulty in adapting to the varied societies of the globe. This can cause a setback in the early ages of any children that, in turn, affects their entire lives. In conclusion, even though, pecuniary enhancements can provide assurance and strength of the family, parental love, affection, and guidance are more important for children during their toddler ages. Parents should be considerate of long-term repercussions and every decision regarding their child should be made with the utmost care imaginable.
Raising a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is considered
to be a key facet of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
as they'll be representing a new generation in a few years and are to be a part of society. It is quintessential for these kids to be constructive to the society, and the higher the number of impactful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, we contribute to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, the better this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
will become. From the terminology alone, we can ascertain that this process
is coined
as 'raising' a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, which is to bring a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
from square one to a place where they
are fitted
with the adequate qualifications to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
beneficial, constructive decisions for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and such an upbringing
is maintained
as successful.

The primary factor for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
parents and
they are even more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is learning its way through life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
things in life do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
based on the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
will and
they are to be present inherent within an individual. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and affection of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
towards a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
are such a character and it is essential for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to be under the shelter of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
during growth.

However
, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
state of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do feel the requirement to go out to work and this results in them spending less time with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Though this results in the family enjoying the additional income, I believe this to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in that family as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grown without the care and guidance of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would face difficulty in adapting to the varied societies of the globe. This can cause a setback in the early ages of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that, in turn, affects their entire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In conclusion
,
even though
, pecuniary enhancements can provide assurance and strength of the family, parental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, affection, and guidance are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
during their toddler ages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should be considerate of long-term repercussions and every decision regarding their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
should
be made
with the utmost care imaginable.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay In today ‘s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents ‘ absence. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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