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Some people say that economic growth is the only way to end world poverty and hunger. Others say that economic growth is causing damage to the environment and should be stopped now. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people say that economic growth is the only way to end world poverty and hunger. Others say that economic growth is causing damage to the environment and should be stopped now. v. 1
Economic growth is the key to everything. But once you have economic growth, it is important that we reach out to people who live in the shadows, the people who don't seem to ever think that they get a fair deal. It is argue that a poverty can stop when the economy will be go up while some people believe that when it grown that mean to destroy the environment. In the following paragraph, I will discuss both of these viewpoints before a conclusion is reached. Economic growth is the most powerful instrument for reducing poverty and improving the quality of life in developing countries. For example, when increase of the manufacture in countries that means it also give opportunities for people to get a job. Moreover, when they have more money that can increase a livelihood and also decline of a difficulty of life. Additionally, they are delightful of soul. On the other hand, when the economic is developing steadily that means the environment has also decreased. For illustrate, If the manufacturing would like to build up or expand the company for increase in a commercial sector, there may be deforestation occurring. Then, it also decreases a richness of forest so it is a reason for destroy ecology. Therefore, while the economy is developing, it may have an impact on the environment, ecosystem as well. After having discussed the most pertinent points, I feel that the only logical conclusion is that while economic development may offer a better life and might be ending of poverty but also offer the destruction of environment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Economic
growth is the key to everything.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
once you have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that we reach out to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the shadows, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who don't seem to ever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
deal. It is
Consider using a past participle here: "argued".
argue
that a poverty can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
when the economy will be
Consider using a past participle here: "gone".
go
up while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that when
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
grown that mean to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. In the following paragraph, I will discuss both of these viewpoints
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a conclusion
is reached
.

Economic growth is the most powerful instrument for reducing poverty and improving the quality of life in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
.
For example
, when increase of the manufacture in countries that means it
also
Did you mean "gives"?
give
opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job.
Moreover
, when they have more money that can increase a livelihood and
also
decline of a difficulty of life.
Additionally
, they are delightful of soul.

On the other hand
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
is developing
steadily
that means the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
has
also
decreased. For illustrate, If the manufacturing would like to build up or expand the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
for increase in a commercial sector, there may be deforestation occurring. Then, it
also
decreases a richness of forest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is a reason for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
ecology.
Therefore
, while the economy is developing, it may have an impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, ecosystem
as well
.

After having discussed the most pertinent points, I feel that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
logical conclusion is that while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
development may offer a better life and might be ending of poverty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
offer the destruction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people say that economic growth is the only way to end world poverty and hunger. Others say that economic growth is causing damage to the environment and should be stopped now. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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