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More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem? v.7

More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 7
Nowadays, there are many environmental problems occur. It creates many impacts to both humans and animals, but we clearly see that some animals start to become extinct and some are on the endangered list. There are several reasons to explain this situation. In this essay I will give the reasons of this circumstance and solutions to solve the problems. First of all, the most related causes of animals become extinct is global warming. Eventually, global warming and changing in the temperature are mostly caused by humans. The growth of population has increased dramatically, people have to grow more food to support more people, which create a pressure on lands. Several industries are built to produce more products to meet demand of the people, they release the chemical into the water. These chemicals affect fish and other organisms that live in the water. Moreover, due to the rising in temperature, ices in particular areas start to melt down, which cause the sea level to rise. The impact is that the polar bears and other organisms that usually live in the polar region are starving and have to migrate to somewhere else colder. Therefore, some areas become too dry that the fire can happen easily, wild lives have to migrate as fast as possible otherwise they will die from fire. Unfortunately, most of them cannot survive. These are tragic evidences to show to humans that we need to do something in order to prevent and stop this serious issue. The mitigation strategies that can be used to stop and prevent the extinction of some wildlife consist of reducing the usage of plastics because marine lives always misunderstand that plastic bags are seaweeds or jellyfishes. Secondly, I think people should switch to green or renewable energy rather than using the non-renewable energy. Some simple lifestyles can be changed such as, separated wastes, using eco-friendly bags, cycling instead of using cars. To conclude, global warming is the cause of animals become extinct, however, humans are the cause of global warming. So, in order to stop this incident, we need to reconsider our lifestyles that can affect the environment and make our life become sufficiently to help other organisms to survive in the future.
Nowadays, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
environmental problems occur. It creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
impacts to both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
and
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animals
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
extinct and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are on the endangered list. There are several reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this situation. In this essay I will give the reasons of this circumstance and solutions to solve the problems.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the most related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
extinct is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
.
Eventually
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
and changing in the temperature are
mostly
caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
. The growth of population has increased
dramatically
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
grow more food to support more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which create a pressure on lands. Several industries
are built
to produce more products to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
demand of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they release the chemical into the water. These chemicals affect fish and other organisms that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in the water.

Moreover
, due to the rising in temperature, ices
in particular
areas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to melt down, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
the sea level to rise. The impact is that the polar bears and other organisms that
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in the polar region are starving and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
migrate to somewhere else colder.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
too dry that the fire can happen
easily
, wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
migrate as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
as possible
otherwise
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
from fire. Unfortunately, most of them cannot survive. These are tragic evidences to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
that we need to do something in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
this serious issue.

The mitigation strategies that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the extinction of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
wildlife consist of reducing the usage of plastics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
marine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
always misunderstand that plastic bags are seaweeds or jellyfishes.
Secondly
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should switch to green or renewable energy
rather
than using the non-renewable energy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
simple lifestyles can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
such as, separated wastes, using eco-friendly bags, cycling
instead
of using cars.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
extinct,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
this incident, we need to reconsider our lifestyles that can affect the environment and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
sufficiently
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
other organisms to survive in the future.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 7

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
369 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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