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Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or have more disadvantages? v.18

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or have more disadvantages? v. 18
It is true that social networking sites are the way of life for people. This has created a negative influence on their personal life as well as society at large. However, I negate the above thought since social networking sites are the need of the hour. There are a numerous social networking websites for people to be influenced such as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. There are many news which are factual and they are uploaded via Facebook pages. This knowledge can bring awareness for many individual. At the same time, fake news spread as rumours which create negative impact on the society. For instance, news released in newspapers and broadcasted on television are not facts as mentioned by many bloggers on Facebook pages. They provided in depth details via their pages. But, this information cannot be relied on. Therefore, these websites, create negative impact on the society. Moreover, youngsters have started a trend of clicking photographs and uploading their entire private life on such platforms. They get excited via a number of like button pressed for the photographs been uploaded. It is assumed that people love them on the basis of likes clicked. For example, There are instances where many school children and teenagers have committed suicide as people are not liking their post on social networking websites. If today's generation has such a thought process it will create a havoc the future. Online platforms can be negative who cannot handle peer pressure. But, it does not mean it will be negative. It has been the most visited website as it not only provides valuable networking for business professionals as well as connecting with friends and family living overseas. If they were not available it would have been very difficult to connect with our beloved ones. In conclusion, there are negative as well as positive aspects of social networking. There are many reasons why it has millions of members. Bloggers love providing important information to the masses to influence them. This has been the hot topic for adults as it is not easy to connect will people when they meet so many of them on a daily basis.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites are the way of life for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This has created a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
influence on their personal life
as well
as society at large.
However
, I negate the above
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites are the need of the hour.

There are a numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking websites for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
be influenced
such as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. There are
Possible agreement error. The noun news seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much news", "a good deal of news".
many news
which are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
factual and
they
are uploaded
via Facebook pages. This knowledge can bring awareness for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individual. At the same time, fake news spread as
Possible spelling mistake found.
rumours
which create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
impact on the society.
For instance
, news released in newspapers and broadcasted on television are not facts as mentioned by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
bloggers on Facebook pages. They provided in depth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
via their pages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, this information cannot
be relied
on.
Therefore
, these websites, create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
impact on the society.

Moreover
, youngsters have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
a trend of clicking photographs and uploading their entire private life on such platforms. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
excited via a number of like button pressed for the photographs
been uploaded
. It
is assumed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
them on the basis of likes clicked.
For example
, There are instances where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
school children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have committed suicide as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
The verb 'liking' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are not liking
their post on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking websites.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's generation has such a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process it will create a havoc the future.

Online platforms can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
who cannot handle peer pressure.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, it does not mean it will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
. It has been the most visited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
website
as it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provides valuable networking for business professionals
as well
as connecting with friends and family living overseas.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
they were not available it would have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to connect with our beloved ones.

In conclusion
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why it has millions of members. Bloggers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
information to the masses to influence them. This has been the hot topic for adults as it is not easy to connect will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them on a daily basis.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or have more disadvantages? v. 18

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
358 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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