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WITH A FAST PACE OF MODERN LIFE MORE AND MORE PEOPLE ARE TURNING TOWARDS FASTFOOD FOR THEIR MAIN MEALS. DO YOU THINK ADVANTAGES OUTWEIGH THE ADVANTAGES? v.1

WITH A FAST PACE OF MODERN LIFE MORE AND MORE PEOPLE ARE TURNING TOWARDS FASTFOOD FOR THEIR MAIN MEALS. DO YOU THINK ADVANTAGES OUTWEIGH THE ADVANTAGES? v. 1
Nowadays, an increasing number of people are relying in convenience foods as their regular meals due to their daily busy schedule. I think the drawbacks of this outweigh the benefits because fast food is detrimental to the individual’s health. Admittedly, there are several benefits of eating ready meals. One of these is that ready to eat meals help people to save time in their busy schedule, simply because they do not need to spend more time to prepare their foods. For instance, people will just drop by in any fast food or convenient store and buy a meal that they wants and re-heat this once they reach home and eat. Whereas home cook meal will consume more time in which many busy people avoided. Despite these benefits, I believe that the drawbacks of ready meals for many individuals in this fast paced modern life outweigh the advantages. One of these is that it can cause health issue in the long run. Because basically fast food is unhealthy meals, it contains large amounts of preservatives, saturated fats, salt and sugar. Therefore, consuming convenient food on a regular basis might result in obesity. In addition, eating fast food on a daily basis can lead to serious illnesses such as diabetes and kidney failure. To illustrate this, a recent report in Health and Care weekly magazine showed that over 69% of regular fast food consumers have overweight problem and have obesity-related illness such as diabetes and kidney problem. In conclusion: even though fast food has many benefits for many individuals in this modern busy world. I think that convenient meals are harmful to people’s health because it can lead to serious illnesses.
Nowadays, an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
The verb 'to rely' requires the preposition '(up)on': "relying on".
relying
in convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
as their regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
due to their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
busy
schedule. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the drawbacks of this outweigh the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is detrimental to the individual’s health.

Admittedly
, there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of eating ready
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
. One of these is that ready to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to save time in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
busy
schedule,
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not need to spend more time to prepare their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
drop by in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or convenient store and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
that they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "want"
wants
and re-heat this once they reach home and eat.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
home cook
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
will consume more time in which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
avoided.

Despite these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
, I believe that the drawbacks of ready
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
paced modern life outweigh the advantages. One of these is that it can cause health issue in the long run.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
basically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
, it contains large amounts of preservatives, saturated fats, salt and sugar.
Therefore
, consuming convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
on a regular basis might result in obesity.
In addition
, eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
on a daily basis can lead to serious illnesses such as diabetes and kidney failure. To illustrate this, a recent report in Health and Care weekly magazine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that over 69% of regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
consumers have overweight problem and have obesity-related illness such as diabetes and kidney problem.

In conclusion
:
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals in this modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
busy
world. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
are harmful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can lead to serious illnesses.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay WITH A FAST PACE OF MODERN LIFE MORE AND MORE PEOPLE ARE TURNING TOWARDS FASTFOOD FOR THEIR MAIN MEALS. DO YOU THINK ADVANTAGES OUTWEIGH THE ADVANTAGES? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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