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More and more students are choosing to study at colleges and universitis in foreign countries. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

More and more students are choosing to study at colleges and universitis in foreign countries. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
In recent years, the number of students going to different nations to study in universities or colleges has inclined considerably. In my opinion, although there are minor disadvantages, advantages like gaining confidence, having more options and meeting people with various backgrounds are outweighing them. Despite the drawbacks below, I believe the benefits gained by the students studying in foreign countries are extremely useful for their future. Firstly, they can become confident individuals by learning how to look after themselves without help from their parents. Not only do they learn this, but also they develop a better understanding of the value of money and how to manage it. Secondly, in some countries abroad, there are more opportunities in tertiary education; thus, students can choose to study any subject they desire. For example, my cousin always wanted to study creative writing, but there was not a single university in our country offering this course; therefore, he moved to the UK in order to follow his dreams. Lastly, meeting people from distinctive cultures and backgrounds is very advantageous for young people, especially during their university lives when they are more willing and enthusiastic to meet others. Admittedly, there are some issues involved when they go out of their countries for studying. One problem is that the language might be a barrier to get accustomed to society. However, in most of the countries, people do know how to speak the common language, English, so one can easily overcome this issue. Another negative aspect is that the cost of living might be higher than staying in the home country. If students go to another country, they need to pay for tuition fees and accommodation whereas, in some countries, they offer their citizens free college and university education, and also, they can stay with their parents to reduce their expenses. To illustrate, many expat students are working in part-time jobs so as to pay the higher cost of living in a different country. To conclude, from my point of view, studying in another country can bring about more benefits for students compared to problems it might bring, such as higher expenses and difficulties in languages.
In recent years, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
going to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations to study in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
or colleges has inclined
considerably
. In my opinion, although there are minor disadvantages, advantages like gaining confidence, having more options and meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with various backgrounds are outweighing them.

Despite the drawbacks below, I believe the benefits gained by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
studying in foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are
extremely
useful for their future.
Firstly
, they can become confident individuals by learning how to look after themselves without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from their parents. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do they learn this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they develop a better understanding of the value of money and how to manage it.
Secondly
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
abroad, there are more opportunities in tertiary education;
thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can choose to study any subject they desire.
For example
, my cousin always wanted to study creative writing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there was not a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
offering this course;
therefore
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to the UK in order to follow his dreams.
Lastly
, meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from distinctive cultures and backgrounds is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
advantageous for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
when they are more willing and enthusiastic to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
others.

Admittedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues involved when they go out of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for studying. One problem is that the language might be a barrier to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
accustomed to society.
However
, in most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do know how to speak the common language, English,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
one can
easily
overcome this issue. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspect is that the cost of living might be higher than staying in the home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
go to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, they need to pay for tuition fees and accommodation whereas, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, they offer their citizens free college and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education, and
also
, they can stay with their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their expenses. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
expat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are working in part-time jobs
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
pay the higher cost of living in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
country.

To conclude
, from my point of view, studying in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can bring about more benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
compared to problems it might bring, such as higher expenses and difficulties in languages.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more students are choosing to study at colleges and universitis in foreign countries. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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