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Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantage? v.3

Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantage? v. 3
Opening a startup or doing a business is becoming increasingly common these days. It is believed by some people that it is more beneficial than working under an organization. This essay will highlight both the positives and negatives of this trend and explain why it is more advantages to start one’s own business. Looking at the positives, one major advantage is the flexible working hours that the person can enjoy. This is because, in a business there is no fixed timings and people can work accordingly to their own routine, which is not the case if you are working under a boss. Another significant advantage is that an individual can work independently and peacefully. For instance, some people are not good at working under the supervision of a manager, as they feel pressured, which results in hampering their mental peace. Despite the benefits above, one major issue is the risk factor involved in a business. If a person is not having a good understanding of the market statistics, than this may lead him in making bad decisions, which might result in some losses. Another problem is the lack of retirement benefits. That is to say, if you are working for a company than you may get some retirement pension or facilities such as medical allowances and many more. However, this is very rare and followed by mostly government organizations. In conclusion, advantages like flexibility in working and independent working, clearly outweighs the minor disadvantages that could results if the person is starting its own business.
Opening a startup or doing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is becoming
increasingly
common these days. It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that it is more beneficial than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
under an organization. This essay will highlight both the positives and negatives of this trend and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why it is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business.

Looking at the positives, one major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
is the flexible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours that the person can enjoy. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
there is no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
timings and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can work
accordingly
to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
routine, which is not the case if you are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
under a boss. Another significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
is that an individual can work
independently
and
peacefully
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
under the supervision of a manager, as they feel pressured, which results in hampering their mental peace.

Despite the benefits above, one major issue is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
factor involved in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. If a person is not having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
understanding of the market statistics,
Did you mean "then"?
than
this may lead him in making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
decisions, which might result in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
losses. Another problem is the lack of retirement benefits.
That is
to say, if you are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
than you may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
retirement pension or facilities such as medical allowances and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
However
, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rare and followed by
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
organizations.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
like flexibility in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
and independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
,
clearly
outweighs the minor disadvantages that could
The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: "result"
results
if the person is starting its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantage? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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