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More and more schools allow fast-food restaurants to sell their products to their students. Is it a positive or negative development? Education v.2

More and more schools allow fast-food restaurants to sell their products to their students. Is it a positive or negative development? Education v. 2
Nowadays there seems to be an increasing ubiquity of fast food stores on campus. While I agree that it can bring some convenience to students and schools, I am more convinced of the problems this development leads to. On the one hand, having fast food stores on campus can offer an immediate solution to some pressing needs. For starters, the school canteen is often found to be crowded with students and usually fails to meet the demand. Having fast food stores in school offers students an alternative to having their meals where the environment is cleaner and more comfortable. Most importantly, they would not have to spend a long time waiting in line. After all, fast food is known for its efficiency. Apart from that, the food safety can be more guaranteed. The catering service of the school is usually subcontracted to other companies which may not be qualified. And it is often heard in the news that school canteens are held accountable for food poisoning among students. In contrast, fast food chains are more attentive to those issues as they are constantly supervised and mostly have a reputation to uphold. However, those benefits would pale in significance when compared to the potential risks. Having easy access to fast food poses a serious threat to students’ health. It is acknowledged that fast food can contribute to a higher chance of heart disease and high blood sugar, let alone obese. Should students constantly replace meals with hamburgers and fries, their health condition would inevitably be undermined. Apart from that, schools should be a place that focuses on educating the next generation as opposed to commercial profits. Introducing fast food restaurants into education institutes would exert a negative impact on their public images, and gravely contradicts the academic atmosphere within the campus. In conclusion, although fast food stores can be of help in some areas, it is imperative to realize the detrimental influence they have on students’ health and school image.
Nowadays there seems to be an increasing ubiquity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
on campus. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
convenience to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, I am more convinced of the problems this development leads to.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
on campus can offer an immediate solution to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pressing needs. For starters, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
canteen is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
found to
be crowded
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
usually
fails to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the demand.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
offers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
an alternative to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
their meals where the environment is cleaner and more comfortable. Most
importantly
, they would not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend a long time waiting in line.
After all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is known
for its efficiency. Apart from that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
safety can be more guaranteed. The catering service of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is
usually
subcontracted to other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which may not
be qualified
. And it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
heard in the news that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
canteens
are held
accountable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
poisoning among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chains are more attentive to those issues as they are
constantly
supervised and
mostly
have a reputation to uphold.

However
, those benefits would pale in significance when compared to the potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Having
easy access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
poses a serious threat to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
health. It
is acknowledged
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can contribute to a higher chance of heart disease and high blood sugar,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone obese. Should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
constantly
replace meals with hamburgers and fries, their health condition would
inevitably
be undermined
. Apart from that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should be a place that focuses on educating the
next
generation as opposed to commercial profits. Introducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurants into education institutes would exert a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on their public images, and
gravely
contradicts the academic atmosphere within the campus.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
can be of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas, it is imperative to realize the detrimental influence they have on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
image.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay More and more schools allow fast-food restaurants to sell their products to their students. Is it a positive or negative development? Education v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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