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"Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society" To what extent do you agree? v.4

"Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society" v. 4
A big deal of people agree that social networking sites, like Facebook, have had an immense negative effect on individual people as well as society. Notwithstanding, I make use of them daily, I agree that they have had a bad outcome in people´s lives. In my opinion, I agree with this statement, considering that this media bring daily life advantages, making distances shorter among people from different countries. Social networks allow us to meet and communicate with a population far away from us instantly, using only a smartphone or a computer. They are an easy way to interact, by chat or video call; they also offer us worldwide information and entertainment. Conversely, the negative effects are more, and they are due to the wrong use that people give to the media, as well as you can know and be keen on the news, the process of communication, in this case, usually used to be false, not all the information online is true; and you have to take care of this and confirm the report. Also, they have been the perfect place for incrementing cyber bullying and addiction to them. Besides, other consequences would be to lose interaction with society and being exposed to unknown people. To show that, now people are more interested in what happens in their electrical devices, instead of their surroundings, they prefer to believe a notice they saw in the phone after prove it, each time the physical relationships are lower, while the cyber bullying and suicides are increasing. To conclude, the social networks as well as they have advantages the disadvantages are more, and to reduce this number we have to cooperate and be conscious of the use we give to them.
A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that social networking sites, like Facebook, have had an immense
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
as society. Notwithstanding, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of them daily, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that they have had a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
outcome in
The character between 'people' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "people’s" (curly apostrophe) or "people's" (straight apostrophe).
people´s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement, considering that
Did you mean "these"?
this
media bring daily life advantages, making distances shorter among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries. Social networks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and communicate with a population far away from us
instantly
, using
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a smartphone or a computer. They are an easy way to interact, by chat or video call; they
also
offer us worldwide information and entertainment.
Conversely
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects are more, and they are due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give to the media,
as well
as you can know and be keen on the news, the process of communication,
in this case
,
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be false, not all the information online is true; and you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take care of this and confirm the report.
Also
, they have been the perfect place for incrementing
This word is normally spelled as one.
cyber bullying
and addiction to them.
Besides
, other consequences would be to lose interaction with society and
being exposed
to unknown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more interested in what happens in their electrical devices,
instead
of their surroundings, they prefer to believe a notice they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
in the phone after prove it, each time the physical relationships are lower, while the
This word is normally spelled as one.
cyber bullying
and suicides are increasing.
To conclude
, the social networks
as well
as they have advantages the disadvantages are more, and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this number we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
cooperate and be conscious of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
we give to them.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay "Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society" v. 4

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
287 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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