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More and more prisons are being built to house the world's criminals and many people believe long-term imprisonment is the answer to solving the crime problem. However, others feel that medical and psychological assistance is what is required. Discus v.2

More and more prisons are being built to house the world's criminals and many people believe long-term imprisonment is the answer to solving the crime problem. However, others feel that medical and psychological assistance is what is required. Discus v. 2
It is thought by some that running a business within the family is the most appropriate way to do it. It allows for partners to be closer to each other and ensures continuity down the generation, but there are also drawbacks to these benefits that should be taken into account. On the one hand, doing business with relatives comes with a lot of benefits. Firstly, the business partners will always be people that have known one another for a very long time and, therefore, they consider themselves loyal to the enterprise. This removes the benefits of doubt that might have occurred when dealing with a stranger. Secondly, it is also easier to source for money for the company, as a large number of people are involved. Members of the family contribute their quota to the business development. Finally, many families, strive so hard not to allow their business to die and this is a very good part of doing a family business. On the other hand, there are also demerits of trading with family. One demerit is the lack of proper organizational structure. In other words, the numerous numbers of people involved makes management uneasy. In addition to this, the people at the helm of administrative affairs may not be qualified for such positions, they might have been chosen based on their old age. Furthermore, large numbers of people involved in the business could mean that arguments would be bound to occur. Hence, decision making will not be as quick as possible because each member of the family is a stakeholder. In conclusion, despite the merits of doing family with business, the fact that decision making is slow and some family members may be in serious should also be considered.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that running a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is the most appropriate way to do it. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
for partners to be closer to each other and ensures continuity down the generation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
also
drawbacks to these benefits that should
be taken
into account.

On the one hand, doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
with relatives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
partners will always be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that have known one another for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
long time and,
therefore
, they consider themselves loyal to the enterprise. This removes the benefits of doubt that might have occurred when dealing with a stranger.
Secondly
, it is
also
easier to source for money for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, as
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are involved
. Members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
contribute their quota to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
development.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, strive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
and this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
part of doing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
business.

On the other hand
, there are
also
demerits of trading with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. One demerit is the lack of proper organizational structure.
In other words
, the numerous numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
involved
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
management uneasy.
In addition
to this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at the helm of administrative affairs may not
be qualified
for such positions, they might have
been chosen
based on their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age.
Furthermore
, large numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
involved in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
could mean that arguments would
be bound
to occur.
Hence
,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
will not be as quick as possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
each member of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is a stakeholder.

In conclusion
, despite the merits of doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
, the fact that
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
is slow and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members may be in serious should
also
be considered
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay More and more prisons are being built to house the world's criminals and many people believe long-term imprisonment is the answer to solving the crime problem. However, others feel that medical and psychological assistance is what is required. Discus v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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