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More and more people want to own items, such as cars, clothing and other things, that are made by famous brands. What are the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development? v.2

More and more people want to own items, such as cars, clothing and other things, that are made by famous brands. What are the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development? v. 2
An increasing number of individuals are wanting to own items, such as cars, clothing and other stuff, that are made by popular brands. The main reason for this phenomenon is that people wish to show off their products to get respect and this is a negative development as it leads to wastage of money. The primary reason for buying branded clothes is that people want to show their expensive items to the world. They do this to get respect in society as many of them believe that materialistic possessions are more important in life and help to gain recognition in their surroundings. For instance, a survey conducted at Delhi University revealed that individuals were more attracted to people who wore branded clothes in comparison to those who dressed in good clothes, but were non-branded. This is a negative development as this trend leads to a waste of money. That is to say that individuals spend their money on costly items, which may be unnecessary to them. Due to this, they fall short of money and cannot buy essential items such as books and household items. They have to compromise on things that are essential to branded items. For instance, an article written in The Times of India mentioned that many of the college-going students do not have enough money to purchase reference books, which would be useful for their academics as they spend money on unnecessary stuff. To conclude, more and more individuals are buying branded items as they want to show the world that they can afford to buy these to gain respect and this is a negative development as it causes wastage of money.
An increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
The verb 'wanting' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are wanting
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
, such as cars, clothing and other stuff, that
are made
by popular brands. The main reason for this phenomenon is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
wish to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off their products to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
respect and this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development as it leads to wastage of money.

The primary reason for buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
branded
clothes is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
to the world. They do this to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
respect in society as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them believe that materialistic possessions are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in life and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to gain recognition in their surroundings.
For instance
, a survey conducted at Delhi University revealed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
were more attracted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who wore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
branded
clothes
in comparison
to those who dressed in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
clothes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
were non-branded.

This is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development as this trend leads to a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
That is
to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on costly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
, which may be unnecessary to them. Due to this, they fall short of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
such as books and household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
compromise on things that are essential to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
branded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
.
For instance
, an article written in The Times of India mentioned that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the college-going students do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
reference books, which would be useful for their academics as they spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on unnecessary stuff.

To conclude
, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
branded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
as they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the world that they can afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
these to gain respect and this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development as it causes wastage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people want to own items, such as cars, clothing and other things, that are made by famous brands. What are the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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