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Globalisation has both advantages and disadvantages. Discuss both and give your opinion v.2

Globalisation has both advantages and disadvantages. 2
We can coin the term globalisation as a process of integration and interaction among people, companies and governments worldwide. It is always a serious topic, one can evidently see its impact in this modern era. Although there are both advantages and disadvantages of globalization, in my opinion the benefits overshadow the drawbacks. When science and technology started progressing tremendously, it made one’s life easier by easing communication with different people of distant locations worldwide. People have started a business in different locations of the world, providing more employment opportunities in foreign countries. We can see Silicon Valley as the global centre for technology, innovation and social media and hi-tech business area. Many students are travelling overseas for higher studies, which facilitates them to deepen their knowledge in their areas of interests. Moreover, we are witnessing the digital revolution in this global era. People started using digital currency as another means of trading. In addition, tourism is helping many countries to grow economically and is allowing people to spread their culture and language in many remote places as well. However, one cannot deny the fact that globalisation is also causing serious threats to life. There is an increased risk in the spreading of unknown diseases when more people start to travel across the globe. Also, unemployment can be seen increasing in their own country, as business people started outsourcing works for cheaper rates to foreign people. In my opinion, globalisation will be an impediment to people’s life, only if it stops providing opportunities for native people and neglecting the negative impacts of technology and using it in the wrong way.
We can coin the term
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
as a process of integration and interaction among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
worldwide. It is always a serious topic, one can
evidently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
its impact in this modern era. Although there are both advantages and disadvantages of
Do not mix variants of the same word ('globalization' and 'globalisation') within a single text.
globalization
, in my opinion the benefits overshadow the drawbacks.

When science and technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
started
progressing
tremendously
, it made one’s life easier by easing communication with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of distant locations worldwide.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
started
a business in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
locations of the world, providing more employment opportunities in foreign countries. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
Silicon Valley as the global
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
for technology, innovation and social media and hi-tech business area.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
students are travelling overseas for higher studies, which facilitates them to deepen their knowledge in their areas of interests.

Moreover
, we are witnessing the digital revolution in this global era.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
started
using digital currency as another means of trading.
In addition
, tourism is helping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries to grow
economically
and is allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spread their culture and language in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
remote places
as well
.

However
, one cannot deny the fact that
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
is
also
causing serious threats to life. There is an increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
in the spreading of unknown diseases when more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to travel across the globe.
Also
, unemployment can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
increasing in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country, as business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
started
outsourcing works for cheaper rates to foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In my opinion,
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
will be an impediment to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
providing opportunities for native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and neglecting the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of technology and using it in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Globalisation has both advantages and disadvantages. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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