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More and more people want to own famous brands of cars, clothes and other items. What are the reasons for this? Is this a negative or positive trend? v.1

More and more people want to own famous brands of cars, clothes and other items. What are the reasons for this? Is this a negative or positive trend? v. 1
Although there are many pressing issues in the world today, the preservation of the environment for future generations is an extremely important concern. I agree that humanity should prioritise its addressing of issues that affect the natural world. I will support this position by looking at the environment’s role in maintaining human health and the manner in which it provides various sources of energy for human activity. Firstly, attention should be paid to the environment because neglect can lead to a serious decline in the healthfulness of people. For example, the quality of air in countries with heavy manufacturing industries is often so low that extended exposure is often carcinogenic. The ramifications of this can be problematic for many generations, as pervasive illness can make it impossible for communities to build wealth and dig their way out of poverty. This is thus one clear reason why commitment to the well being of the natural world is paramount. Further, reckless use of energy sources can have detrimental effects that last into subsequent generations. For instance, deforestation in parts of Canada and Northern Europe in the 20th Century has altered timber resources in these regions in ways that will require several decades to restore. If these resources are not replenished, the responsibility will fall on the shoulders of future generations, which is a burden that could make these people less competitive globally. As the above makes clear, ensuring posterity’s inheritance of a healthy natural environment is critical for many reasons. I hope human intelligence and ingenuity continue to work towards making this possible.
Although there are
many
pressing issues in the world
today
, the preservation of the
environment
for future generations is an
extremely
important
concern. I
agree
that humanity should
prioritise
its addressing of issues that affect the natural world. I will support this position by looking at the
environment’s
role in maintaining human health and the manner in which it provides various sources of energy for human activity.

Firstly
, attention should
be paid
to the
environment
because
neglect can lead to a serious decline in the healthfulness of
people
.
For example
, the quality of air in countries with heavy manufacturing industries is
often
so
low that extended exposure is
often
carcinogenic. The ramifications of this can be problematic for
many
generations, as pervasive illness can
make
it impossible for communities to build wealth and dig their way out of poverty. This is
thus
one
clear
reason why commitment to the
well being
of the natural world is paramount.

Further
, reckless
use
of energy sources can have detrimental effects that last into subsequent generations.
For instance
, deforestation in parts of Canada and Northern Europe in the 20th Century has altered timber resources in these regions in ways that will require several decades to restore. If these resources are not replenished, the responsibility will fall on the shoulders of future generations, which is a burden that could
make
these
people
less competitive globally.

As the above
makes
clear
, ensuring posterity’s inheritance of a healthy natural
environment
is critical for
many
reasons. I hope human intelligence and ingenuity continue to work towards making this possible.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay More and more people want to own famous brands of cars, clothes and other items. What are the reasons for this? Is this a negative or positive trend? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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