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More and more people today are drinking sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons for this? What are the solutions? v.3

More and more people today are drinking sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons for this? What are the solutions? v. 3
In recent times, the consumption of sugar-based drinks have increased drastically by the people, which might deter their health. This essay will discuss the potential causes of the above notion, along with the remedies to curb it. To begin with, the reasons behind the high rate of consumption of sugar-based drinks are their attractive promotions with the preferable test and the modern lifestyle of the people encourage them towards it. Nowadays, in a competitive market, the manufacturers of soft drinks promote their products with the face of famous celebrities; as a result, many youngsters are attracted to such unhealthy drinks. Moreover, the drinks consist of sugar as its main component, which provides good taste and the people get the affection to such products. For instance, Indian Cricket Team is promoting a sugar-based drink called Pepsi, hence many cricket fans used to have that product to imitate their favourite team. Furthermore, the modern fast paced lifestyle provokes the people to consume more fast-food and soft drinks, which deteriorate their health. On the other hand, by conducting few preventive steps one can reduce the habit of drinking such unhealthy drinks. Firstly, the people should develop a habit to read all the contents of the soft drinks, which they are going to consume. Although, all the soft drinks are not having excessive sugar, they should choose such alternative products. Secondly, the parents should guide their adolescents not to imitate everything which is broadcasted on TV and newspaper advertisements and aware them about potential negative side of such products. Lastly, the government should run awareness campaigns throughout the country about healthy diet. For example, Fit India campaign has integrated many citizens towards healthy dietary. In conclusion, the habit of drinking sugar-based drinks of the people would not be changing rapidly. But the preventive efforts of an individual and the local authority will bring positive change in society gradually.
In recent times, the consumption of sugar-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
have increased
drastically
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which might deter their health. This essay will discuss the potential causes of the above notion, along with the remedies to curb it.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the reasons behind the high rate of consumption of sugar-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
are their attractive promotions with the preferable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
and the modern lifestyle of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
encourage them towards it. Nowadays, in a competitive market, the manufacturers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
promote their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
with the face of
Consider using "celebrities".
famous celebrities
;
as a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters
are attracted
to such unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
consist of sugar as its main component, which provides
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
taste and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the affection to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
For instance
, Indian Cricket Team is promoting a sugar-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
called Pepsi,
hence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cricket fans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
to imitate their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
team.
Furthermore
, the modern
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced lifestyle provokes the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to consume more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
, which deteriorate their health.

On the other hand
, by conducting few preventive steps one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the habit of drinking such unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should develop a habit to read all the contents of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
, which they are going to consume. Although, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
are not having excessive sugar, they should choose such alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Secondly
, the parents should guide their adolescents not to imitate everything which
is broadcasted
on TV and newspaper advertisements and aware them about potential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Lastly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should run awareness campaigns throughout the country about healthy diet.
For example
, Fit India campaign has integrated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
citizens towards healthy dietary.

In conclusion
, the habit of drinking sugar-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would not be changing
rapidly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the preventive efforts of an individual and the local authority will bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in society
gradually
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay More and more people today are drinking sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons for this? What are the solutions? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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