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More and more people today are becoming overly dependent on the internet and phones. Is this a positive or negative development? v.1

More and more people today are becoming overly dependent on the internet and phones. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1
The advent of smartphones has led to the addiction of the internet. Nowadays, a majority of people spend a huge amount of time in browsing the internet. Certainly, it aids people with fast and reliable communication along with the easy life, but there will also be some drawbacks. On the one hand, those who believe the overall development of smartphones and the internet is mostly positive because of its versatility. It has made the communication process very fast and efficient. In other words, people can communicate with their friends and family through video chats, audio chats and text messages, which is way faster than the traditional letters and telegrams. For instance, in a corporate environment, most of the multinational companies have their branches in the various parts of the world, where they use emails, video conference and various instant chat mobile applications as a mode of communication to run their business. Furthermore, the accessibility of the internet on the handheld devices such as phones and tablets has made the life of human beings bit easier. Now, people can use google maps to reach their destinations while driving. Likewise, they can use special mobile apps to order a food from restaurant and to buy their stuff online. Thus, overall internet on phones is helping people to make their day to day life convenient. On the other hand, there are some drawbacks that needs to be considered before reaching at any conclusion. Firstly, people who spend crazy time watching movies and playing online games on phones have high chances to attract the health-related issues. That is to say, most youngsters spend their whole day playing games such as Mobile Pubg and Call of duty, resulting in weak eyesight and obesity, as evident in the past. Secondly, as lifestyle is changing, people are becoming lazy and tired. To exemplify, according to The Times of New York, internet is mostly impacting the habits of young generation, which means the young readers are diminishing from the society as kids prefer reading summary online, instead of reading the whole book. To conclude, despite having the drawbacks such as health issues and lifestyle changes, I believe the positives of internet on smartphones are way more beneficial. Thus, it can be considered a positive development.
The advent of smartphones has led to the addiction of the internet. Nowadays, a majority of
people
spend a huge amount of time in browsing the internet.
Certainly
, it aids
people
with
fast
and reliable communication along with the easy life,
but
there will
also
be
some
drawbacks.

On the one hand, those who believe the
overall
development of smartphones and the internet is
mostly
positive
because
of its versatility. It has made the communication process
very
fast
and efficient.
In other words
,
people
can communicate with their friends and family through video chats, audio chats and text messages, which is way faster than the traditional letters and telegrams.
For instance
, in a corporate environment, most of the multinational
companies
have their branches in the various parts of the world, where they
use
emails, video conference and various instant chat mobile applications as a mode of communication to run their business.
Furthermore
, the accessibility of the internet on the handheld devices such as phones and tablets has made the life of human beings bit easier.
Now
,
people
can
use
google maps
to reach their destinations while driving.
Likewise
, they can
use
special mobile apps to order
a food
from restaurant and to
buy
their stuff online.
Thus
,
overall
internet on phones is helping
people
to
make
their
day to day
life convenient.

On the other hand
, there are
some
drawbacks that needs to
be considered
before
reaching at any conclusion.
Firstly
,
people
who spend crazy time watching movies and playing online games on phones have high chances to attract the health-related issues.
That is
to say, most youngsters spend their whole day playing games such as Mobile
Pubg
and
Call of duty
, resulting in weak eyesight and obesity, as evident in the past.
Secondly
, as lifestyle is changing,
people
are becoming lazy and tired. To exemplify, according to The Times of New York, internet is
mostly
impacting the habits of young generation, which means the young readers are diminishing from the society as kids prefer reading summary online,
instead
of reading the whole book.

To conclude
, despite having the drawbacks such as health issues and lifestyle
changes
, I believe the positives of internet on smartphones are way more beneficial.
Thus
, it can
be considered
a
positive
development.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay More and more people today are becoming overly dependent on the internet and phones. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
377 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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