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Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.8

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v. 8
Nowadays, playing a good role in society is an essential and hard progress. Many say that children should be taught by their parents about how to become a good part of the public. Though, other people, including myself, believe that school is the best place of the teaching of being a good individual in humanity. Firstly, parents have a huge and important role in this process. They have to pay attention to their children's behaviour, because behaviour is an extremely essential part of being friendly. For example, everyday children's smartphones should be checked by the parents to know what their children are doing. As well as, parents have to reduce the amount of time which is wasting by video games, TV and the Internet. Instead, parents need to allow their children to play outside together with friends. Another option is organising family gatherings where children can be closer to his or her relatives. Because everything starts from family. Furthermore, the school also takes part in this process. Because, the first culture which children face is their classmates, teachers and school after family. So, if they learn to be a good person in this kind of small community, they will not be distracted during their upcoming lifetime. For instance, team-working facilities in classes are really high. In there, children test different characters and then they know how to communicate with a variety of people. It is also beneficial for their future job. Also, studying subjects is also necessary for a sociable person. As I myself practised, reading books much can automatically improve the social skills of an individual. In conclusion, this hard progress, by all means, contains the school atmosphere, however, parent's attention can be the second thing for becoming friendly or sociable.
Nowadays, playing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
role in society is an essential and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
progress.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be taught
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
about how to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
part of the public. Though, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, including myself, believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is the best place of the teaching of being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
individual in humanity.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have a huge and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in this process. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay attention to their children's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is an
extremely
essential part of being friendly.
For example
, everyday children's smartphones should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checked
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to know what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are doing.
As well
as,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the amount of time which is wasting by video games, TV and the Internet.
Instead
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to play outside together with friends. Another option is
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
family gatherings where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be closer to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
relatives.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
everything
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
from family.

Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
takes part
in this process.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, the
first
culture which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
face is their classmates, teachers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
after family.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if they learn to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
person in this kind of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
community, they will not
be distracted
during their upcoming lifetime.
For instance
, team-working facilities in classes are
really
high. In there,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
characters and
then they know how to communicate with a variety of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. It is
also
beneficial for their future job.
Also
, studying subjects is
also
necessary for a sociable person. As I myself
Possible spelling mistake. 'practised' is British English.
practised
, reading books much can
automatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of an individual.

In conclusion
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
progress, by all means, contains the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
atmosphere,
however
, parent's attention can be the second thing for becoming friendly or sociable.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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