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More and more people these days work harder and longer hours and have no time for family life and friends. What are the causes in your opinion for this? How is it affecting family life and the society as a whole? v.1

More and more people these days work harder and longer hours and have no time for family life and friends. What are the causes in your opinion for this? How is it affecting family life and the society as a whole? v. 1
In this highly competitive world, people have been spending a significant amount of time at their workplaces. It is true that most of the working people do not have social and family lives due to their hectic life. In this essay, I would like to discuss various aspects of the topic and try to reach a conclusion according to my perspective. To commence with, in this globalised world, most of the companies and their workers have to face an international competition in the market which makes their work harder and tougher. To make it clear, it is evident that most of the international firms are technologically and ideally advanced so it has become necessary to work overtime with dedications to compete with those companies. Furthermore, nowadays, daily expenses of a family has been rising day-by-day, such as the money spent on groceries, petroleum and so on. In this context, it is hard for a man to run a family with a single job or regular working hours so they are forced to work more. More importantly, unemployment has resulted in minimising wages of most of the works. To exemplify, in India, a nurse's monthly salary is 100 dollar, it is impossible for them to live with this small amount and that’s why the nurse needs to work extra hours and even in days off to earn a bit more. On the other hand, the platform of family life is interaction, socialisation and communication. When family members do not have enough time to interact each other, there will form a communication gap among them and that ultimately affect family relation. Moreover, as most of the people in a society over work and when they do not have sufficient time for interaction and exchange of ideas. It is evident that, unless the co-operation of society, there will not be an effective development in society. To conclude, in my opinion, increased workforce and overtime have badly affected the social and family life of people. Even there are laws which say about minimum working hours of employees, many workers are forced to work over time. Hence, the government and authorities should take initiatives to come with a solution to this problem.
In this
highly
competitive world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been spending a significant amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at their workplaces. It is true that most of the working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have social and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
due to their hectic life. In this essay, I would like to discuss various aspects of the topic and try to reach a conclusion according to my perspective.

To commence with, in this
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalised' is British English.
globalised
world, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and their workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face an international competition in the market which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder and tougher. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, it is evident that most of the international firms are
technologically
and
ideally
advanced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it has become necessary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
overtime with dedications to compete with those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

Furthermore
, nowadays, daily expenses of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has been rising day-by-day, such as the money spent on groceries, petroleum and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. In this context, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
to run a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
with a single job or regular working hours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
are forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more. More
importantly
, unemployment has resulted in
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimising' is British English.
minimising
wages of most of the works. To exemplify, in India, a nurse's monthly salary is 100
Possible agreement error. The noun 'dollar' seems to be countable, so consider using: "dollars".
dollar
, it is impossible for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount and that’s why the nurse needs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
extra hours and even in days off to earn a bit more.

On the other hand
, the platform of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life is interaction,
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialisation' is British English.
socialisation
and communication. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to interact each other, there will form a communication gap among them and that
ultimately
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relation.
Moreover
, as most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a society over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and when they do not have sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for interaction and exchange of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. It is evident that, unless the co-operation of society, there will not be an effective development in society.

To conclude
, in my opinion, increased workforce and overtime have
badly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the social and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Even there are laws which say about minimum working hours of employees,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
workers
are forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Hence
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and authorities should take initiatives to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with a solution to this problem.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay More and more people these days work harder and longer hours and have no time for family life and friends. What are the causes in your opinion for this? How is it affecting family life and the society as a whole? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
367 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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