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More and more people suffer from health problems caused by a modern lifestyle which cannot be treated by modern medicine. Some people think that a return to traditional medicine is warranted. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

More and more people suffer from health problems caused by a modern lifestyle which cannot be treated by modern medicine. Some people think that a return to traditional medicine is warranted. v. 1
Man has always been advised to put his health before his wealth. But this is becoming an increasingly difficult task in the face of disease brought on by our modern lifestyle. Many people hold the view that the answers to these modern problems lie in traditional medicine. In this essay, I will explain why I completely disagree with this idea. On one hand, diseases in recent times have evolved as a result of modern lifestyle that have filled our days with sedentary activities and high calorie foods. Illnesses such as hypertension, obesity and diabetes have become more prevalent in the recent past due to the advancement of technology that has us glued to a small screen. These diseases have emerged as silent killers, with a mortality rate that rivals infectious diseases of the past. For example, over the last decade, heart disease has resulted in the death of more people than most infections put together. On the other hand, the advancement of modern medicine has also occurred at a rapid pace. Diagnostic medicine is now capable of detecting heart disease, months in advance of it affecting our body. We are fortunate to live in an era of pharmacology that has a treatment for nearly all illness, including deadly diseases like cancer. Modern surgery can replace almost every organ of the human body, while geneticists can predict maladies even before birth. In comparison, traditional remedies are still stuck in the past. While some of these methods might provide temporary relief from the symptoms of these illnesses, there is no scientific evidence of traditional alternatives affecting a cure. For instance, the use of homoeopathy in the treatment of cancer is ludicrous and borders on medical negligence. Traditional medicine is simply not equipped to deal with modern problems. In conclusion, modern problems require modern solutions. And I firmly believe that modern health care is well equipped to deal with most, if not all, modern diseases.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Man
has always
been advised
to put his health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
his wealth.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this is becoming an
increasingly
difficult task in the face of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
brought on by our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
lifestyle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold the view that the answers to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
problems lie in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
. In this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why I completely disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
in recent times have evolved
as a result
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
lifestyle that have filled our days with sedentary activities and high calorie foods. Illnesses such as hypertension, obesity and diabetes have become more prevalent in the recent past due to the advancement of technology that has us glued to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
screen. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
have emerged as silent killers, with a mortality rate that rivals infectious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
of the past.
For example
, over the last decade, heart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
has resulted in the death of more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
than most infections put together.

On the other hand
, the advancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
has
also
occurred at a rapid pace. Diagnostic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
capable of detecting heart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
, months in advance of it affecting our body. We are fortunate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in an era of pharmacology that has a treatment for
nearly
all illness, including deadly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
like cancer.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Modern
surgery can replace almost every organ of the human body, while geneticists can predict maladies even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
birth.

In comparison
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
remedies are
still
stuck in the past. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these methods might provide temporary relief from the symptoms of these illnesses, there is no scientific evidence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
alternatives affecting a cure.
For instance
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'homoeopathy' is British English.
homoeopathy
in the treatment of cancer is ludicrous and borders on medical negligence.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is
simply
not equipped to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
problems.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
problems require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
solutions. And I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
health care is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well equipped
to deal with most, if not all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people suffer from health problems caused by a modern lifestyle which cannot be treated by modern medicine. Some people think that a return to traditional medicine is warranted. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
322 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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