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Governments around the world spend too much money on treating illnesses and diseases and not enough on health education and prevention. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.5

Governments around the world spend too much money on treating illnesses and diseases and not enough on health education and prevention. v. 5
I very much agree that world governments are not putting the health budget to good use as they are in fact spending more money on research centres and hospitals rather than on avoiding diseases and safety education. Although allocating money to help cure diseases and treat sickness seems to be rewarding, a smarter approach is to help stop these issues from coming up in the first place. In fact, many of government's subsidies for hospitals and health centres can be reduced enormously if the public's behaviour changed and they protected themselves from catching or developing many of these illnesses. However, in order to actively take prevention steps, people need to be educated on the different diseases and their great dangers, as well as what can they do to stop them before they occur. For that reason, I believe a lot of value will come up from spending money in schools and universities to make health on top of the learning priorities. Moreover, countries can take more active measures than just education to help citizens remain in good physical conditions. One example is making use of the different social media and other marketing venues to promote safety among people. In addition, countries can state regulations that would reduce the causes of health issues. However, to achieve this, governments must start by researching the common health problems and identifying their root causes, then defining the rules and fines to stop them (one example would be directing more penalties to reckless drivers that contribute in accidents). To sum up, I believe governments' must allocate more financial resources to illness prevention instead of treatments. This can be done through awareness campaigns to the public, education techniques for students and defining regulations to control the causes of health problems. By tackling the problems from their roots, there will be less health centres and hospital expenditures.
I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are not putting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
budget to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
as they are in fact spending more money on research
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and hospitals
rather
than on avoiding diseases and safety education.

Although allocating money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
cure diseases and treat sickness seems to be rewarding, a smarter approach is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
these issues from coming up in the
first
place. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's subsidies for hospitals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
enormously
if the public's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
changed and
they protected themselves from catching or developing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of these illnesses.
However
, in order to
actively
take prevention steps,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need to
be educated
on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
diseases and their great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
,
as well
as what can they do to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they occur. For that reason, I believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
value will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up from spending money in schools and universities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
on top of the learning priorities.

Moreover
, countries can take more active measures than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
education to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
citizens remain in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
physical conditions. One example is making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
social media and other marketing venues to promote safety among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
In addition
, countries can state regulations that would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues.
However
, to achieve this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
by researching the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems and identifying their root causes, then defining the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and fines to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
them (one example would be directing more penalties to reckless drivers that contribute in accidents).

To sum up, I believe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
allocate more financial resources to illness prevention
instead
of treatments. This can
be done
through awareness campaigns to the public, education techniques for students and defining regulations to control the causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems. By tackling the problems from their roots, there will be less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and hospital expenditures.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Governments around the world spend too much money on treating illnesses and diseases and not enough on health education and prevention. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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