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More and more people relying on private car as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problem overreliances on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution v.2

More and more people relying on private car as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problem overreliances on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution v. 2
Ever since the industrial revolution and rise in economic standards, a vast majority of the world's population prefers driving their own vehicles. In this essay, I shall suggest a number of problems, this trend may have on our lives as well as the environment, along with a solution. With the recent economic avalanche, accompanied by the rise in living standards, the number of cars running on the roads has drastically increased. Owning to the technical advancements and financial facilities provided by the government, people are now able to purchase their private commute. However, this development has many detrimental impacts on our life. Firstly, with many cars running on the roads, the number of accidents have significantly increased. For example, a recent study published by Oxford University illustrated that, more than 50% of world's total death are the result of car accidents. Also, with many cars running on the roads, people are more likely to stick in long traffic jams, as a result, people may struggle with reaching their destination on time. Secondly, smoke released from these vehicles is the main cause of global warming and ozone layer depletion. Due to which, more people are now suffering from life threatening diseases such as Cancer and Asthma. In addition, this development is pushing people more towards living an unhealthy, sedentary life, therefore people are more likely to suffer from mental and physical distress. However, on the other hand, by making few changes in our lifestyle, it is now possible, to eliminate these impacts. By using public transportation, the amount of traffic on the roads will significantly reduce. Thus, apart from making the road safer, this approach will drastically drop the level of air pollution. Hence, the government should make some huge investments, in order to improve the efficiency and quality of these services. In conclusion, if the above steps are taken efficiently, it is safe to say that the negative impact of this sophisticated modern technology can be ameliorated.
Ever since the industrial revolution and rise in economic standards, a vast majority of the world's population prefers driving their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vehicles. In this essay, I shall suggest a number of problems, this trend may have on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
as well
as the environment, along with a solution.

With the recent economic avalanche, accompanied by the rise in living standards, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
running on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
has
drastically
increased. Owning to the technical advancements and financial facilities provided by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
their private commute.
However
, this development has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
detrimental impacts on our life.
Firstly
, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
running on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
, the number of accidents have
significantly
increased.
For example
, a recent study published by Oxford University illustrated that, more than 50% of world's total death are the result of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
accidents.
Also
, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
running on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more likely to stick in long traffic jams,
as a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may struggle with reaching their destination on time.
Secondly
, smoke released from these vehicles is the main cause of global warming and ozone layer depletion. Due to which, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
suffering from life threatening diseases such as Cancer and Asthma.
In addition
, this development is pushing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more towards living an unhealthy, sedentary life,
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more likely to suffer from mental and physical distress.

However
,
on the other hand
, by making few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in our lifestyle, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
possible, to eliminate these impacts. By using public transportation, the amount of traffic on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
will
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
.
Thus
, apart from making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
safer, this approach will
drastically
drop the level of air pollution.
Hence
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
huge investments, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the efficiency and quality of these services.

In conclusion
, if the above steps
are taken
efficiently
, it is safe to say that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of this sophisticated modern technology can
be ameliorated
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people relying on private car as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problem overreliances on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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